This week I hit my third trimester and I am having feelings. ALL the feelings. Not only about this global health emergency (during which being pregnant is extra hard– lower immune system, scary trips to the doctor/ thoughts of going to the busy hospital, being in lockdown with a toddler for weeks and not being able to drink, etc…), but also about the fact that I’m about to completely change the life we have so comfortably settled into. It’s been me, Andrew and Henry for almost four and a half years. I desperately wanted to give him a sibling, and now that it’s almost go-time, I’m struggling with some sadness over introducing a “stranger” into our cozy, little club. Is that crazy? I mean, I fought tooth and nail for this, cried over it many times and now I’m feeling worried about what it’s going to do to our nuclear family. I think this is natural, but I’d love to hear from you guys if you had similar worries before welcoming a second child? Henry has been talking to my bump and saying things like “Give your big brother a kick!” and that has been beyond adorable. He’s so excited about becoming a big brother, but I’ve also noticed him acting out more, which I think is the natural response to knowing big change is on the way. We all, as a family, need to brace for change, and embrace the change, and know that it is all amazing and magical and confusing and will take time to get used to. Picturing myself going back to bottlesand pumping though- now that is really a mindf*ck (pardon my language, but it IS).
Mix all these conflicting emotions up with the panic I feel about COVID-19 and all of us remaining healthy, and I’m feeling beyond worn out, tired and on edge. For now our nanny is still coming to the house (she’s extra cautious and not socializing beyond us and Henry) and Andrew and I are coming to my office alone for some of the day to work (I am so lucky to have this space 3 blocks form our house- a change of scenery really helps). Should things worsen, and I suspect they will for a bit, we’ll probably just stay home and switch on and off with childcare. Luckily both our businesses can be run virtually and we are both busy.
But to keep my mind busy I’m focusing on work projects, thinking up things for Henry to do during the day (virtual music classes and dance classes, baking, art projects, games, playing outside in the yard or nature walks), doing pre-natal yoga every day and STAYING OFF THE NEWS SITES. I easily can spiral down a rabbit hole of internet news and it really ramps up my anxiety, so I’ve committed to only checking reputable sites once a day and then staying away. I also am taking on lots of organization projects at the house in preparation for baby and general cleansing of our space (both sanitation-wise and clutter-wise). I’ll post about some of these projects if you’re interested in my approach. I plan to keep my posts pretty light and entertaining while we are all distancing ourselves as a means of distraction.
I’m also trying to get into the spirit of planning for this baby coming in 12 weeks- the nursery and getting the essentials in order. I have a lot of stuff from Henry that I can re-use, and some stuff I want to update/replace to get the newest safety features, etc. as well as some things I hated that I had and want new options for. Someone on IG said their baby shower was getting cancelled due to the quarantines and they wanted to know what my list of “essentials” were to help them create a registry. So I gathered up baby items today to share with you- either stuff I have, items you guys have recommended recently or things I have heard good things about.
- This carrier is STUPID expensive, but I must have it. I’ve heard its super comfy too. I also really loved my Baby Bjorn carrier- this mesh version looks awesome for warmer months.
- After having a regular glider for my first baby, I swore up and down that next time I’d get a glider-recliner. Way more comfy when baby falls asleep or middle of the night feedings/ naps. This is one we’ve used for many clients and they love it.
- OK, so we may rent the Snoo starting at 6 weeks to see if it works or if we need it (thanks for all your DM’s on IG about this) but I have heard great things about this Baby Bjorn bassinet. I’m a big fan of their products in general, so we plan to get this to start.
- I hated my bottle warmer I had, so I plan to get this one– which also can serve as a mini steam sanitizer! We have little counter space in our small kitchen so I can’t do the big, honking contraptions that make formula bottles plus a separate sterilizer.
- We LOVED our Bumbo once Henry could sit up! The best! Get the tray too.
- OK, so I have the 2015 Nuna Pipa car seat and loved it. So safe and cozy. But it was pretty heavy. They came out with a new version that is barely above 5 lbs. So I’m selling mine to a second hand shop and getting the new version.
- My photographer Sarah gave me her hand me down mesh Baby Bjorn bouncer chair for Henry and he LOOOOOOVED it. I then gave it to Henry’s godparents to use with their baby who also loved it. So I’m getting a fresh one for this baby!
- Recovering from childbirth is NO JOKE. My friend Caroline told me “whatever you do, don’t look. It’s like a Tim Burton bouncy house down there for a week or so after!” She was hysterically (and disgustingly) right. I love this kit– what a great gift to put in your hospital bag!
- We love this simple, classic sound machine. Not too many bells and whistles.
- YOU MUST HAVE A SNOT SUCKER. Obviosuly I’ll get a fresh one for this baby. And also will remember to check to make sure the filter is in it before use, as I didn’t check once with Henry and basically mainlined snot into my mouth.
- I was gifted a couple strollers from brands for Henry that I liked- A Uppa Baby Vista (a little too big for our needs/ too heavy to transport but a lovely stroller) and a Nuna Mixx (I loved this one for baby stage). Both are getting donated and I’m treating myself to a new one. I think I’m getting the newer Nuna Mixx. I love that the seat fully reclines so with an infant insert you don’t need a bassinet. It’s big enough for all your stuff, but not insanely cumbersome- only downside is that they don’t make a ride on board for Henry. I found a generic one though, so that should work. Otherwise I was looking at the Uppababy Cruz– which looks more compact and has a great ride on board. Thoughts?? We use this size stroller most at home- walking to the park, shops/coffee and such. We tend to use a travel stroller if packing up to go somewhere in the car.
- I plan on using this wipeable changing pad because I found myself constantly washing the changing pad covers of my basic one last go round.
- We loved the Halo Sleepsack for Henry- he wore different versions of them until he was 3.
- I have a Dock-a-tot but want to get this cover and the toy bar! I also have heard great things about Snuggle Me Organic as an alternate to this.
- Many of you messaged me about the Ollie Swaddle! So I plan on getting one to try out too!
- I love Lewis’ printed swaddles and jammies- this is a cute hospital outfit to pack up!
- Pehr swaddles are adorable and such high quality- this pink leopard? Oh yes.
- The ride on board for the Yoyo stroller (see comments for 19)
- We had a few travel strollers, none of which we loved. I have heard great things about the Babyzen Yoyo. And I love that it has a ride on board and I can make it work with my carseat. I feel like this will last for a long time, from baby through toddler for that reason. Plus it fits in an overhead bin on a plane (when we can eventually fly again).
- We tried a lot of monitors and this one has been my total fave- getting a second camera for it and keeping it simple.
- The BEST diaper pail. End of story.
- I used a diaper clutch in my normal bags most often with Henry. This one from Mark & Graham is super chic!
Hope everyone is staying safe, keeping their distance and washing their hands!
Hey Erin, I know it’s a been a while since you posted this and apologies for not leaving a comment sooner. But I just had to write to tell you that I experienced severe misgivings when I was pregnant with my second. In fact, my thoughts were more along the lines of “What the hell have I done? Why didn’t I think this through? Noooooo.” Of course, I didn’t tell a soul, worried my unborn child could sense that I didn’t want it anymore, the whole nine yards. The bottom line, was I didn’t think I could love another child as much as the one I had and I didn’t want to split my attention between two when I didn’t feel like there was enough time in the day for the one I had. But I have great, amazing news. It all went away the split second I held my second. Not a single lingering trace. Not only will you love your 2nd in all new ways because they will be their own little amazing human, you will fall in love with how Henry loves her too. It’s going to be amazing. Like, “What pandemic? There’s a pandemic?” level amazing. I promise. Stay strong and stay safe!
You are just the sweetest! I’m allowed to say that to you as I am 57 and after having found your blog for the first time, have not stopped reading, laughing and saving. I found your blog as my youngest daughter just gifted me Elements of Style – Designing a Home and a Life. My obsession is with decorating ANY and ALL. My husband is just happy when the furniture is still in the same place when he comes home each day. I just retired as a teacher last Christmas and now setting my sights on other things before COVID made me sit and contemplate and be still. This I can say to you, as a mother of three girls (29, 27, 25) and 33 years married…….you are lovely. You are honest, sweet and the best mom to your son and wife to your husband (not to mention daughter). I cried reading all of your poignant posts on trying, hoping, grieving, and hoping again. I wish this was a better time to give birth but I am so happy it is with your second and not your first (my second was my best child birth experience). You seem to be able to focus and remain calm when it matters. It will be okay. I wish you a safe and lovely delivery. I have been one of these people extremely blessed in life with my husband, daughters, students, friends and yet you taught me that even though you realize people don’t deliberately say something to make you sad, just by saying ‘When’s the next one due?” can make someone extremely sad. We cannot truly know what walking in another’s shoes is like. Thank you Erin (and my daughter’s wil thank you)…I’ll just continue to smile and help when I can. I love reading your book. Your write as though you were my friend and I love it….on page 146 your mom brings home the Schnoodle and I said, ‘that’s it., I have to drop her a note”. My own Schnoodle Finn is sleeping on my feet. God speed Erin, and stay safe. Carol
I loved my 1st pregnancy and loved my second. I loved every second of my first child and thought it would always be that way, but it wasn’t and it is OKAY. I have 7 children – 3 adopted, so I have done the delivery thing 4 times and a 5th with one adoption. Everything with your first is new and exciting and perfect even when not perfect b/c it is all you know. My second delivery was supposed to be a V-back…I had complete placenta previa with the first. I went 1 week overdue and they c-sectioned my daughter out. After a week, I sobbed and confessed to my husband that I didn’t “love” her. He wisely said it was okay and explained to me what I mentioned above. When nursing her two months later, I looked into her eyes and I almost exploded with love, or rather the realization that I was madly in love with her and so protective and I didn’t know when it had happened or if it was gradual, but that is when I knew and it was just as intense as the first time. Since then, all the others were more “normal.” I think maybe the disappointment in my second c-section and that being the only way I could ever deliver maybe hit me hard??? No worries on the emotions…they will level out (or medicine maybe if it lasts too long?).
When you hold her she will melt your heart – and Andrew will be weak kneed
When my second baby was on her way, I was expecting a little girl after already having had a little boy. During transition I went into panic and started crying, “Why are we having another child! I like Tobin (my son), we don’t need another child!” Then I held my daughter for the first time and was so unbelievably in love and couldn’t imagine life without her. She was also, quite possibly, the easiest baby ever. I think it makes it easier too, already having done time with a newborn, there aren’t as many unanswered questions. My son and daughter are almost exactly two years apart and at first my son loved baby, but then a week after the fact he pushed her away physically and started yelling and crying – it was an adjustment. I just gave birth to my third in December, another little girl and my now 5 1/2 year old son dotes on his baby sister day and night. He tells her how much her big brother loves her and how cute she is, she is even easier than my second one. You will do great. Hormones are legit and this has been a seemingly very deep journey for you and your husband. Once you have baby you will be so in love and Henry will dote on his sweet sister no doubt. There is a product I used for anxiety during labor and even after called Smooth Transitions. I’ve never smoked pot, but I imagine the calming feeling this product gives is akin to being high or the same as taking an entire handful of vitamin B. No joke, it’s all natural and you put drops into a small glass of water, sparkling water, juice, etc… it really calms nerves.
You will be shocked at how much your heart will grow when you meet your daughter. I am the mother of 4 incredible young adults, and my heart just multiplied each time. When we found out we were expecting our last child, I told my husband I already knew how much I loved him❤️. It’s so wonderful, and I’m so happy for you.
Thought on Baby Number 2 (Amidst A Global Pandemic)
I am having trouble taking in this entire article. Maybe you could send your nanny home with a thousand dollar check to tide her over during this pandemic.
I would love to hear your de cluttering tips as well as any thoughts on ways to showcase bookcases – never know what to put, all books?, mix of decorative items, etc?
Good luck these next few weeks – all normal and understandable thoughts!
The new Uppababy Cruz V2 is GREAT.
I felt that way the ENTIRE time I was pregnant with my daughter (my son is also the oldest). I remember sobbing crying holding him in his room the morning my water broke knowing it would never be the same again and feeling immense guilt I was doing this to him. It’s true what everyone says – the second she arrives, you won’t be able to imagine life without her. They are now the best of friends, and I’m expecting my 3rd around the same time as you. Thank you for the updated baby list! Purchasing several new items now!!
I just wanted to weigh in and say that I felt exactly like you with my second child. My son was 4 years and 1 month when my daughter was born. I was scheduled for an induction and I totally freaked out the day of! I freaked about how I “was ruining my son’s whole life” and our perfect bond, etc, etc. So silly now of course. My daughter is the center of us all now as she is a force and lights us all up (little sister with big brothers seem to be this way- tough and fun and fearless and awesome!) Her brother will tell you that she annoys him and he wishes he was still an only child, blah, blah but he also LOVES her hard and he knows she is his biggest fan. They are now 11 and 7. The age difference can be tough sometimes (I think girl first and boy second with this difference is generally smoother… girls tens to want to help and Mama more) but it is my little family and to me it is perfect. Hope these words help you feel less alone in your feelings! Congratulations! Oh and imagine all this being an only child (me) and never loving a sibling or understanding that bond at all… I was really freaking out!
I am a happy and very lucky frantic mom to three (ages 10, 7 and 3) in Dover, MA. When #2 was born, I wasn’t anxious about the addition so much beforehand, but when he was born (and I was hoping for a girl), I had the meltdown of feelings. Who is this needy intruder? I have to start again from scratch? My daughter was almost three at the time and we were a dynamic duo (we look a lot alike) and we had a good thing going. Then suddenly we have a baby to drag around and it’s a BOY! That was a genuine feeling. It obviously passed and we did end up with a baby girl, the cherry on top of our family, who is now 3. That makes Arthur the middle child, the rose between two thorns, according to the salesman at the hardware store, and he keeps us on our toes. It’s fun to have the contrast of a boy and he is an awesome big brother.
Good luck and don’t stress too much. This phase shall pass and you have a great reward coming for all the pain and angst now. Good luck to you and your family!
Congrats on your baby girl arriving soon. My first baby/daughter was magical to me for making us a family. My second daughter was magical too. I knew we were done at 2 so her magic was that she completed our family. Both were equally exciting. I’m guessing your baby girl will complete your family too. It will all be wonderful!
How are you doing? I also had mine 4.5 yrs apart and loved how ‘involved’ my big guy was with the end of pregnancy. At this time in my pregnancy, we were in europe for a month and big brother got in the habit of constantly asking to go into all the little chapels to “light a candle for the baby”… total sniffle-fest for me every time. It really is special, however I also had that feeling of “oh shit…. everything feels so balanced and now its going to turn into crazy town” and I totally feared the Newborn Cycle of Endless Need. But it was so awesome to be less on edge/freaked out the second time around… I felt confident and also more solid in what I needed help with.
One thing I will offer is keep the old changing pad, and use covers, but I also always had a flannel receiving blanket on top (also used when I was breastfeeding on the boppy for less mess)… that way that thing got switched out, not the actual cover. Baby #2 is now two years old (and the 2 kid shuffle honestly gets better ALL THE TIME) and we still use those receiving blankets.
I am so excited for you Erin… this is a weird time and a huge change ahead and allll the feelings are normal, healthy, okay and many are temporary. Soon you won’t be able to imagine life without her xxoo
I have 2 kids – 8 year old boy & 4 year old girl (she’s just a couple weeks older than Henry :). It was as big a deal for us to go from 1 to 2 as it was 0 to 1. I felt like there was never enough of me to go around, and sometimes there legitimately wasn’t. That’s said, there are few things in life that rival the sweetness of bond they have. Ultimately we know that they’re the best gift to each other that we could have ever given them (actually just the other night our daughter was FLIPPING out about something and she was on our bed hyperventilating she was so upset. Our son came over, climbed on the bed and gave her a hug and she stopped. 💙) One thing that I would suggest you add to your list is a wrap – we loved the Solly – but they’re so good for holding (or in our case soothing) the baby with hands free, so you can give attention to Henry.
The feeling of bringing a “stranger” into Henry’s life is completely and 100% normal. I cried buckets the night before going in to be induced with my daughter knowing it would never be just me and my son (3 y/o at the time) again. But like everyone says, your heart just doubles in size. You don’t have to worry about making space for the baby in your heart. You will love them both madly. One heads up: you will be BLOWN AWAY by how big Henry looks compared to your daughter once he gets to meet her. That will make you cry because you’ll be suddenly reminded how fast it goes.
Thinking about you as you round this last trimester and all the added stress you must have in your life right now. I watched you get pregnant with Henry and cheered you on every time you tried again. Im so happy for you. You are a strong person and if anybody is going to fly through this, it’s you.
Apologies in advance for adding to the flood of unsolicited advice, BUT: I wouldn’t get the bjorn bassinet. I LOVE Bjorn gear (travel crib! bouncer!) but I didn’t think this one was worth it at all. You’ll use it for such a short period of time. There is nothing special about it (other than the very lovely aesthetics), and I actually thought the bouncing potentially startled my babies awake. If I had it to do all over again, I’d do the snoo or an inexpensive bassinet and then get the baby to her crib and out of my room as soon as I was comfortable. Very excited for you. And all those emotions — had them! I couldn’t wait to get home from the hospital because I missed my older one. Oh hormones. Henry will love her (even if he’s telling you to send her back).
Having our first due in three weeks is an interesting mental challenge in these crazy times! But it helps me to think like an athlete and just get in the zone of the things that I can control (which is very few) and put blinders on to the rest (but also not have my head in the sand obviously- balance!).
Even all these many years later…I remember something a wise woman told me when I was pregnant with my second and voiced my concern about having the same love for the second as I had for my first? Would our first child love this little intruder? She told me…”the heart knows no capacity for love”. She was so right.
I love researching baby gear! Your first post with all of Henry’s gear was my guide. My game changer was the Mixie formula bottle. Make sure you order one with the stage 1 nipple because I think it comes with only the stage 2. For night feedings, I didn’t have to warm up a bottle. As soon as I heard my LO stir, I popped a bottle of room-temp formula in his mouth and he was back to sleep.
Yes, that carrier is ridiculously expensive, but I can say it is by far the easiest and most comfortable to use. I have four kids and used the Bjorn and the Ergo when they were babies. However, when I watch my niece I use that carrier and love it. Also, it’s so easy to get on and off without help from others.
Erin, this thing saved us in the first two months: https://www.walmart.com/ip/Boppy-Baby-Original-Newborn-Lounger-Elephant-Love/47714897?athcpid=47714897&athpgid=athenaItemPage&athcgid=null&athznid=PWVUB&athieid=v0&athstid=CS004&athguid=400a3c87-c26-170e6b1a7a9e95&athancid=null&athena=true
Would you consider asking for and posting registries of those who have had their showers postponed or canceled? Sending gifts from afar would help me feel better right now.
I had similar feelings during the end of my second pregnancy as our daughter was 6 1/2 when our son was born. You all will be so in love with Baby Girl Gates that before you know it your family will be in a new rhythm and you’ll be amazed at how quickly and easily everyone adapted ❤️ As for your organization/purging project…YES, please share! And thank you for the out loud laugh on the snot sucker! That was as funny as it was gross, but it will make a funny story for Henry one day.
Love for this second child will be like lighting a second candle! The world just gets brighter! You and Andrew will find that your love multiplies immediately!
On the Nuna Pipa Lite car seat: I also got this for my #2 a year ago and LOVE how light it is, BUT be sure you know it cannot be installed in a car without the base…which means if you take your bucket seat on plane trips as we did, you cannot use this seat in your rental car unless you also travel with the base. We ended up with a rental infant seat, which did not seem as remotely as safe. Just a heads up!
My son (40 yrs ago) did not care much for his new baby brother) he was 14 months at the time and my 18 mo granddaughter could also do without her new sister. But pretty soon they don’t remember not having a sibling. Totally normal how you are feeling. When you are holding your sweet baby girl in your arms all will be worth it ❤️
Congrats on your growing family! My son was exactly Henry’s age when my daughter was born and I had ALL those same fears and worries. But when Callen ran into my hospital room and cried happy tears at the sight of his baby sister, it was all washed away. There will be challenges and you will struggle to find the energy to give to Henry, but you will find it. It’s beautiful, ugly, perfect and messy. I’m only 5 months in on this new life with 2 so I’m no expert; but my son knows he’s loved and he loves his sister so much and it really is magical.
I love baby gear posts. I have two recommendations. One is the woombie: https://smile.amazon.com/Woombie-Original-Swaddling-Blanket-Llama/dp/B07X1L4183/ref=sr_1_10?crid=U9NT5F74A3LT&keywords=woombie+swaddle&qid=1584398864&sprefix=woombie%2Caps%2C179&sr=8-10&swrs=695DAFC4CD9CE4C9B1C6739DF2FB5B99
It is a game changer. It zips, making it so easy and simple in the night – no straps to pull or pieces to wrap. It also zips up from the bottom so you don’t even really have to release their little arms to change a diaper. I loved this thing.
My other recommendation is: try using lukewarm water to make the bottles, or removing from the fridge and letting them get to room temp, and avoid a bottle warmer altogether. It’s an extra step that I finally gave up and I never looked back! Some babies might be sensitive and care a lot about the warmth of the bottle, and then you might need it – but I have had two babies who did not care one tiny bit and would drink straight up cold bottles with no issues.
Good luck and stay well. Life is so hard right now.
Agree re skipping the warmer! Give ‘em room temp or even cold bottles. You’ll never be stuck in a pinch with a screaming babe who doesn’t understand why you haven’t proffered her the perfect flat white. Less stuff, more resilient kids. Win win. Best of luck! You can do this!!
I think your feelings about a second child are very natural. I had the same feelings going right into the delivery room with #2. The nurse told me that you grow a new heart for every child and I can say that immediately I felt that way after he was born. It’s an amazing experience that you just have to trust.
I want to say “Don’t worry!” but I know that worry comes naturally when you are expecting and the world is facing a time of great uncertainty and anxiety as it is. Just know this … having a second child was an adjustment but NOTHING like the adjustment of going from none to one! Your eldest child will no longr be an only child but now gets to be a big brother. He can be a big brother expert on the baby … perhaps he can introduce the baby to family and friends for the first time and tell them what it is like living with the new one. He will likely be a little jealous about having a baby getting lots of attention but you can point out to him all the things that he can do that the new baby is too young to do. Make sure that you have some time alone with him. Remember how portable babies are … you can still pack a carriage and go to the park all together. Your second child is really much more “along for the ride” than was the case with your first. And last but not least, don’t forget to buy a “gift” for the new baby to give his or her big brother when they meet for the first time!
Best wishes, Sonya
Cheryl Strayed gave some helpful advice on the Work Life podcast recently. She was discussing a tough decision and the gist of what she says is both outcomes can be true. There may be a sense of loss either way, but the key is acceptance. It’s ok to feel grateful for this baby AND a sense of loss for your close-knit family. There’s no rule that says both cannot be true at the same time. Sending lots of love – stay safe and healthy!
Erin: okay, first comment on your site and from someone who is older and has been there! Yes, your feelings about having a number two are completely natural. Case in point: when I was pregnant with our number two, I was so anxious that I signed up for a course down at what was then Stanford’s Children Hospital called “Having Your Second Child” or some such thing. Once a week for six weeks, I drove an hour each way from our home in Sausalito and it was worth every second. Just being around others who were in the same boat: happy to have another one on the way but oh so conflicted as in how could I “do this” to my adored first born? how could I love number two the way I loved number one? how to explain to number one who was just a toddler what was happening? And then I read an expert who said “let’s face it. what you’re saying to number one is like a husband coming home and announcing to his wife: honey, I’m bringing home another wife but don’t worry, I’ll still love you just as much.” Oh lord. THAT put me over the edge! But guess what?? Number two came and from the moment he popped out, we adored him, had room in our hearts for him and then some. And we loved number one even more! On the advice of the experts in our class, I was totally relaxed about all of number one’s curiosity, let her touch his nose, his toes, let her squeeze him (when she wanted to “hold the baby”) and he loved it. On the experts’ recommend, I even let her explore the nursing business again–she was curious, didn’t remember, of course that she was once the receiver of that little treat, tried it once and had ZERO interest in any more of that, thank you very much. Just as the experts predicted. (Keep in mind that she was only 20 months old so way younger than your darling Henry but still, he may want to at least touch and as weird as it feels, probably good to do.) As far as your “little club”goes, I empathize, Erin! We looked at each other a couple weeks in when dinner had once again become a semi-chaotic affair and thought “what have we done??” Now, thirty (yes!) years later, I can assure you that you will never ever look back and Henry will never wish he didn’t have a sibling (well, maybe once or twice in the toy stealing stages…) It just gets better and better, Erin. Promise.
Oh my goodness – yes! I wanted our second as much as our first but I remember strongly wondering if I was taking away from my first and certainly shedding a few tears along the way. Strangely enough, it was a few scenes from “The Baby Boss” that allayed my fears – specifically, the scenes about the brothers being there for each other forever. It really made me think about siblings and how siblings will be there for each other when I and my husband are no longer here. Instead of taking away (my time, my attention, etc) from my oldest, we were giving him (and his brother) the gift of even more love and love that would be there long after we were gone. I’m sure it’s hard especially now for you, just please be gentle with yourself.
I had to dig deep in my memory…as I’m 63, lol. Yep, I felt the same way. Actually, I cried when I found out I was pregnant, even though we planned our 2nd. Basically, our family of 3 had a routine, and the unknown of a family of 4 scared the heck out of me. But, in very little time we had our new rhythm down and you will, too! It will all work out, believe me <3.
Now, I want to thank you and all the other Bloggers/Instagramers, that I follow. You ladies and gents, have been helping me so much with my own anxiety. Giving great advice: for routines, exercising, recipes ideas, cleaning, projects, organizing, at home fashion…etc. I feel connected to others, like, I've never felt before. We're all in this together. Sending love to all!!
With my second one, friends and family kept taking my older one to do things, so that I could focus on the baby. It makes sense, but it made be so sad for my daughter to be busy, and for me to be with this tiny stranger. I finally had to speak up and say I needed time with the older one too.
LOVE the way you described the trepidation regarding adding a new member to your “cozy little club” I felt exactly the same way when my son joined our family and gave our 3 year old daughter a little brother. I recall being deliriously happy to have our little boy and crying over the loss of all the one on one with our daughter. She and I went for a walk shortly after his birth and I felt like I was bout to lose one of the most precious parts of my life. She was oblivious! And in time, I don’t think she recalled life before little brother. And our club became the new normal and the best normal. Your feelings are natural and don’t worry for a moment about them!
Relatedly, why does my Ubbi diaper pail just retain a terrible smell? Is it just forever the smell in my nose, do my kid’s diapers smell that bad, or what? We use scented bags for all poop diapers. I’m about ready to just buy a new one.
Have you tried the bamboo charcoal bags to absorb the smells? They recharge in sunlight so they last forever. (it’s a separate little baggy that eliminates the odor)
Thanks for sharing the suggestion!! I will give it a shot.
Also we LOVE the Yoyo for our travel stroller and have the Bugaboo Fox for our everyday city stroller.
Your feelings on welcoming another person to your family are completely normal! I was so nervous towards the end of my second pregnancy last summer – would my oldest like her new sibling, would he mesh in to our family, how would we handle a baby with an active 3 YO – and then he got here, and watching my daughter love him so completely from the first second she laid eyes on him will forever be etched into my mind and heart. And now, 8 months later, it’s hard to remember life before he was in it in a sense. My advice on your list – if you still use a monitor with Henry, is to get a second full unit, not just the camera add-on. We have had many divide and conquer nights to maximize the sleep we could each get, so my husband would take the monitor for our older one and I would have the monitor for the baby. Also, as they scan back and forth at night, even with the same sound machine settings the distance from the camera makes the noise sound different – so what we are hearing changes every 5 seconds (or whatever it is) while we are sleeping if that makes sense and is very disruptive to my sleep. May not bother all, but I couldn’t handle it. Congratulations on the start of your third trimester, and I can’t wait to see baby girl’s dreamy nursery!
Very good tip!!!!
We started with the Nuna Pipa Lite but just as a FYI you can’t travel with it unless you have the base with makes the whole thing super heavy. Not taht you’ll be on planes or in Ubers anytime soon…. it was great to save a few pounds in the early days but after three months, we ended up buying the regular Nuna Pipa and retiring the Lite. Passing on in case it’s helpful and hope you’re weathering all this insanity as well as possible!
Interesting! Maybe I’ll keep my Pipa regular for that reason and use the lite for early days?
I would totally keep your Pipa regular. Or look at the new Pipa model – it might be ligther now – ours is 8 lbs and the Lite is 5 lbs.
We welcomed #2 when my oldest was almost 4 and I had just turned 44. Like you, I worked hard for #2 and was terrified for all of the same reasons. While we didn’t have the pandemic looming, I was on bed rest which is not optimal for a working mom with a toddler.
We were pleasantly surprised that #2 felt easier in many ways because we actually had a clue about what to expect the 2nd time around.
Our pediatrician, who has 2 kids that are 4.5 years apart, predicted that our girls would share a special and close bond. She could not have been more right. Our girls are now approaching 16 and 20, respectively. There are no words for how much they adore and support each other. People comment on it frequently. My cousin’s son and daughter share the same age gap and special bond.
Sending positive vibes and virtual vino.
I have a 4 year old boy and we just had a baby girl less than a month ago – I was super hormonal and crying when we first got home and I kept thinking your exact thoughts- what did we do to our little family?! I felt awful for thinking that since I too went through a lot to have this baby girl. I felt distanced from my son and that I was not fully just his mom anymore. Basically felt every feeling there was to feel. Then all of a sudden the fog lifted and it just felt like oh ok this is our family. Also yeah seeing him say to her “precious girl” and just love her so much (when he seemed totally disinterested in her during my pregnancy) was incredible and I felt so happy to give him a sister. I also see a more mature, nurturing side to my son which is so wonderful. But just know I felt all those feelings right after I had her but I’ve totally leveled out now! It was actually really comforting to read I wasn’t alone in those feelings of welcoming a second. Best of luck!
I second what Amber and LB say. I am blessed to have 4 kids but I remember feeling guilty when my second child was on the way. It’s all good and once you meet her you’ll completely forget ever feeling this way! I also think every child goes through stages of “ bad” behavior but it could be a million reasons other than a sibling on the way. I think you’ve mentioned growing up with brothers- so you know how that goes – besties one minute and enemies the next!!!
I’m so happy for all of you – all will be well! Can’t wait to see her and hear what you name her!
Erin, Just a few thoughts. First, the happiest my husband and I have ever been was once our second was born and we saw the way our two interacted. So, trust that the hard parts which will inevitably come will have many unanticipated joys to provide counterbalance. Also, we are in Philadelphia now with our Henry (our first born) who’s wife gave birth four days ago and who’s two year old is, of course, sick with an awful virus. In the last four days, we have been to the hospital, the pediatric urgent care and the pediatrician and my husband and I are in our 60’s. So, lots of stress and sources of germs. BUT, we are so grateful for the safe delivery of our grandson and having the pregnancy over for our daughter-in-law that we are just trying to focus on the good and block out the bad…. while also doing all of the social distancing and germ avoidance that we can. If we have to go to the grocery, whoever goes comes home and showers and puts those clothes in the wash immediately. And we wash all of the produce with a light soap and water mixture before putting it away. I have another daughter-in-law who is also pregnant and I think back to how joyful we were when both of these pregnancies were announced and how anxiety producing it is now but I am just going to force myself to be positive. I had an anxiety attack a few days ago in the grocery checkout line since they chose to swap checkers in the middle of ringing me up and it was taking FOREVER and someone very kindly reminded me that stress lowers our immune response. That was a good opportunity to reset my perspective. Good luck to you and your lovely family.
Just get a Doona! It is amazing.
I read the Doona is only good for a few month and not great for tall people (Andrew is 6′ 4″ )…is that true?
My gigantic baby lasted until 9 months (24 lbs and around 31 inches) in it and would’ve lasted longer but it just felt like time for a convertible seat. My husband is 6’ and was OK with the handle, but I can see the issue—it doesn’t have as long of a handle as say the Uppababy Vista does. But god I loved the Doona.
We registered for the Nuna Pipa Lite (2018) and got it, but our friends who swore by the Doona just bought one for us anyway. We ended up using the Doona so much more. Also doesn’t require a base for planes or Ubers, as mentioned above, although I know it doesn’t happen often and maybe isn’t a concern.
I cannot stress how great the Ollie is. Also get a used woolino if your child likes blankets. I have a princes who loooooves comfort and she sleeps an extra hour in her woolino. Also get the toy bar for the baby bjorn bouncer – wood and great when they are starting out! Get a shusher too!
Ditto on the baby bjorn bouncy seat, it is awesome. Also think the washable changing table is a good idea. One thing I also like is the Land baby backpack in gray from Amazon. It is about $30 and can be accessed from the bottom so you don’t have to dig for things. I have used it and gifted it as well. Don’t worry, when you finally meet this precious little girl, she will instantly feel like part of your family as she is a part of your heart even now. You only have to take things one day at a time. You do have to plan, but if I get too far ahead of myself is when things begin to stress me out.
Your feelings are 100% normal! I remember when I was going to have my second I felt so sorry for them that I would never be able love them as much as my first. That didn’t happen. It’s like magic, your love doesn’t get split, your heart just grows to accommodate more love. Maybe that sounds cheesy but I have no other way to describe it. It will be a change but I am very happy and excited for you all!
That is exactly how I feel- like HOW could I possibly love another baby as much as I love Henry?
I promise I had those exact same feelings. Totally normal. I felt sorry for the second baby and disloyal to my first for even wanting to love another! But I agree with Amber, your heart just grows. Also, don’t attribute too much of the new baby to Henry acting out. Kids can be a$$es for no good reason, your new one will do the same at some point too! It’s just their job :) and our job to civilize them, without losing our sanity. Xoxo
First off, let me congratulate you again! I am so happy for you three and love seeing pictures of your growing belly! So many of us parents worry that a second child will stress our first but the moment that baby arrives all those thoughts go away. Soon, you won’t be able to imagine your family any other way. I wouldn’t worry about Henry’s mood shifts too much. Four year-olds, with or without a sibling on the way, often assert themselves more during this time. Regarding your selections, I would say having a stroller that offers Henry a ride will be important. There will be days he has no interest in it, but having the option will give Henry the assurance he’s still your baby too.
Love so many of these too- especially the yoyo and the bouncer! Just a heads up that the pipa lite can’t be installed without a base or in an uber. Not ideal for city living or travel. So still many reasons to keep your full version too or everyone loves the new clek! And check out the bubula diaper pail- better than the ubbi imo and equally aesthetically pleasing!
Hmmm, we rarely drive without a base (never take Uber with Henry…) but I had no idea that was a consideration for that car seat! Thanks for telling me! Thanks for the diaper pail suggestion too!
Have you considered the Eufy monitor- we upgraded from the Infant Optics 6 months in and it was worth it! The camera / visuals is SIGNIFICANTLY clearer!
And while the Ubbi diaper pail is OK, the pedal/step of the Dekor Diaper Plus has been EVERYTHING when you need both hands.
Thanks for the momentary distraction from coronavirus! So excited for you and your growing family!