So, I had been planning to post today to announce that I was 3 months pregnant with Henry’s sibling- finally. Instead, on Friday at our ultrasound, I found out we had lost the baby. I pondered whether or not to even say anything here, as this loss is big and brutal and messy, but I have found in the past 12 years of blogging, that whenever I open up about my personal struggles, you guys tend to be one of the most uplifting sources of support and reassurance. Yes, it’s uncomfortable. Yes, it may seem too personal. But here I am. And I know I am not alone in my loss or pain. And not feeling alone is one of the best ways to heal, in my experience.
This loss blindsided us. We had already seen a heartbeat and gotten the results of our genetic testing which came back all negative. So while I had this nagging feeling of worry and dread since 8 weeks, I chalked it up to the trauma and stress of having lost two other pregnancies this year in my quest to expand my family. But the old adage of “mother’s instinct” was unfortunately true. And as I sat there in the waiting room, with Andrew promising me it was all going to be okay, there was no need to worry, I was terrified. And as it turns out rightfully so.
The worst part was that waiting for me at home was a gender reveal balloon. We had been planning a little party for this weekend to find out. Andrew called our nanny and had her get rid of it before I got home, but not before asking what it was.
I’ve been numb all weekend, and instead of my fun party with pink confetti, I spent it getting surgery in the hospital and trying to recover. Although, while I may physically recover, this one will be incredibly difficult to heal from emotionally. This was our last frozen embryo from Henry’s cycle, when I was 35, and now at 39 I know another cycle may not yield the same results. Of course, I can’t get too deep into that thinking yet, as I need a few months to heal and get back on my feet– but I tend to deal with things like this by planning a mode of attack to try again. It helps me.
I know 39 isn’t “the end”, medicine has proved that to be true. And I know from my doctor and the knowledge and data we’ll gain from this loss and others, we can form a plan. All hope is not lost, even though right now it feels that way in my heart and head. I think I have one more run at this in me. I don’t feel “done” yet, unless the doctors tell me I’m done. There are more tests to run, lifestyle changes I can make and alternative treatments I deemed myself “too busy’ to do this past time around. Not that I blame myself for the loss, it was clearly something genetic, but there are things I can do to be healthier in general. And while my body is so tired and beat up from the constant hormones and pregnancies, it is stronger than I give it credit for.
Henry makes this time both easier and much sadder. I so desperately want him to have a sibling, he would be the best big brother on earth. And I know there are other methods by which we can accomplish that- but that is something I will need to consider in my own time. I know how lucky to have him, he is a wonderful, sweet, beautiful boy and I get to be his mama and that is a huge privilege. I know there are women who have been through all the losses I’ve been through (and more) and don’t have a child yet. And my heart breaks for them too. It feels so unfair that some people get pregnant so easily, while others have to fight so hard and wear themselves down to the bone to yield the same results. But that is life, it’s not fair.
I have an incredible team of doctors working to help me and friends and family who are here to help and listen. But you guys are here too, and for that I am grateful as well. So thanks for listening and let me vent and write through this experience. It always helps me, and I hope it helps others too who may be going through infertility or miscarriage as well. It’s a particularly awful kind of hell to go through, and one that isn’t talked about much, so I hope that by opening up myself, others will feel okay talking about it too. This battle is lonely, even with the biggest group of supporters, so every voice helps.
Last night as I put Henry to bed he touched my face and and said “you’re my best friend” and while it broke my heart, it healed it a little too. I have my boy, who I need to be present for, and who knows what else may come. Maybe nothing, maybe something- but either way, I’ve won the lottery in many respects.
We have a 5 year gap between our boys. Our oldest is 6 years and our little guy is 10 months. Our oldest would come home from preschool with”his brother” in the picture, needless to say at the time we were a family of 3! We finally pursued adoption; it was tough but so is your road so no judgement or bias or anything. We have one super blondie biological son (6) and one super awesome dark haired son. Happy to provide more details off line on our journey. After all of the ups and downs, it worked for us.
The worst. I’m so terribly sorry to hear this. So painful and wish it could be different. Hugs, Amy
Te escribo desde Madrid. Desafortunadamente mi inglés, aunque bueno, no es lo suficientemente bueno como para escribirte este mensaje de modo que confío en que alguien cercano te lo pueda traducir y si no al menos aquí quedarán reflejados mis mejores deseos para ti.
Yo, como tú, tampoco pude quedarme embarazada de forma natural. Lo tenía todo, un marido fantástico, una familia estupenda, trabajo, salud, nuestro precioso piso… pero lo que más deseaba en el mundo parecía imposible. Me sometí a varios años de tratamiento, cada intento que se malograba era una tarde-noche de hondísima tristeza y llanto. Sin embargo al día siguiente ya estaba completamente mentalizada para seguir, perseverar hasta conseguirlo. Jamás he intentado nada en mi vida con tanta obstinación, aunque sin desesperar ni perder la alegría. Tuve entonces un aborto durísimo y desgarrador. Ese fue un varapalo tremendo y aunque las fuerzas iban fallando seguí adelante sin dudar.
Finalmente a los 36 años tuve una niña preciosa. Después de que naciera me quedaba un óvulo congelado, el último. Lo volví a intentar y… fracasó.
En ese momento decidí que ahí me plantaba. Seguía teniendo todo lo bueno de la vidad de antes, pero ahora además a mi hija y la tranquilidad que me daba saber que lo intenté todo y durante años. Decidí que había cumplido y que iba a disfrutar de todo lo que tenía, que es muchísimo. Me hubiera encantado poder darle un hermano pero no hay que pensar en lo que uno no tiene sino en lo que sí que tiene y sobre todo en que lo tienes de milagro.
Te deseo lo mejor de corazón, Erin, decidas lo que decidas, tanto si decides seguir intentándolo como si consideras que te quedas con tu preciosa familia de tres. Pero tomes la decisión que tomes que sea sin angustia, sin que te cueste ni un ápice de la alegría del día a día que os merecéis tu marido, tu hijo y sobre todo tú.
Te deseo la mejor de las suertes, Erin. Con todo el cariño del mundo.
You are so incredibly brave. Reading your words always feels like listening to a friend – and so you have a friend’s sympathy and sadness in me as you open up about this terribly difficult experience. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but know you have left a mark on my heart with your openness and I want to send as much love and encouragement as I can muster.
I am so sorry Erin. Thank you for making the world and our lives more beautiful with your talent, even when you are suffering. Wishing you much happiness and joy in the future!
As a long time EOS fan, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. I admire your courage in sharing your story. Having dealt with secondary infertility at 37 and multiple miscarriages between my first and second pregnancies, I dont know of a greater pain…you of course are so grateful for your little boy but gutted and going through literal hell. I never knew such a sadness. Churchill’s quote “when you are going through hell..just keep going” always spoke to me throughout the pain.I am happy to report I am 20 weeks pregnant with my second…I completely overhauled my diet and life after my third m/c..I read the books “it all starts with the egg” and “inconceivable” and followed the blog tomakemeamommy. No way to know if that is what helped but thought I’d share. At the very least it helped me to do something in my control because it is so wildly unfair how it is all out of your control. Sending healing thoughts. You will get your happy ending, you just need to keep going. Xoxo
This is an incredibly challenging loss for you, I am sorry and I fully understand your emotions. Presently I am a grandmother to both a boy and a girl, my daughter is an only child. My past sorrows have alliowed me to embrace my present joys with such happiness. A caring doctor told me years ago that my responsibility was to my present child and not to get overwhelmed by my deep longing to have more children. I tell you this not to give you any advice but to tell you that you can only have what your body allows. My child never felt sad as an only because as she said it was all she knew. Yes, the slight sadness can stay in your thoughts and remain a memory of what if BUT I can say that I embraced being a mother and experienced so many delights and happiness. Whatever path you take to grow your family or not I wish you well.
Oh Erin. I’m so, so sorry to hear this news. I know that feeling so well having had six miscarriages of my own. Each one breaks your heart in a new way. I also know that struggle of fertility treatments and how you can cautiously get your hopes up while still thinking it will never happen. So very confusing. Modern medicine is miraculous and as my very wise husband told me , every time the doctors learn a little bit more about your body and what they can do to tweak things to hopefully get closer to a baby. I’m sending my healing thoughts to you and wishing you the best.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I am sending you hugs.
I am amazed by your positive thoughts and your strength.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Erin. Sending lots of love your way.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I too don’t normally post but I love your blog and all your beautiful work, and have followed for a long time. I am heartbroken for you and as someone who also struggled with conception, know how hard it is to be honest and vulnerable. I am thinking of you and want to thank you for your honesty. So many women struggle with pregnancy and need to know that they are not alone in feeling the sadness and loss. Thinking of you
I am so extremely sorry to hear this. I cried reading it, lots of tears. I also found out my current cycle was negative today.
I had my son around the same time as you had Henry. It was also my first ivf, after 3 years of trying and 3 miscarriages. I’ve been trying to give my son a sibling for the past 2 years with 2 failed ivf’s. I am 42 but don’t think I am done yet either, even though we have now maxed out our insurance and the next one will be out of pocket (money we don’t have).
I think both of us will get our miracles one way or another. You are not alone. Love to you and your family.
An amazingly strong articulation of a very difficult experience. Blessings on you and your family.
I’m so sorry you’re facing this profound disappointment and grief. Please take care of yourself during this hard time.
Thank you for sharing! I have never commented before but adore you and all that you share. I too can relate to your struggle and pray that you heal quickly and are able to grow your family. Infertility and miscarriage shouldn’t have to go hand in hand – it seems like one alone is enough. It’s dark, lonely, and so frustrating. Prayers for continued hope, strength, and healing! Sending comfort and love!
Hi Erin, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am also 39 and just also experienced a loss at 12 weeks 5 days (over Labor Day weekend). While I had been bleeding for the previous 10 days, the ultrasounds had always looked fine and we had seen the baby’s heartbeat since our 6 week appointment. My OB thought everything was going to work out.
We had done the Materniti21 test and were waiting for the results. They are now in but were inconclusive due to a low fetal fraction (I was also on blood thinners, which may have contributed to the result); I could not bring myself to learn the gender.
I am extremely fortunate to have beautiful 1.5 year old twin girls at home, but I feel such a tremendous sense of loss. I am doing everything I can to try to determine the cause of the miscarriage with the hope that it will give me some sort of closure.
Please feel free to reach out to me via email if you would like to chat further.
My heart hurts for you and your family. I can not say I know your pain. I do not. But I know many who do. I will be praying for your physical healing as well as emotional and spiritual. May God, in His wisdom and His timing give you the desire of your hearts.
I am involved in a ministry called “Hope Mommies.” I am sure there may be a chapter in your area. They also have a Face Book page. I encourage you to check them out. This group was formed out of the grieving hearts of a couple of other moms. I have no doubt they would love to love on you as well.
I am so sorry for your loss. I have followed you for so long and as you have expressed your wish to expand your family and have been open about your struggles I have found myself cheering for you. I know you are drained both emotionally and physically, but what will be, will be. Stay positive. Sending positive thoughts and prayers from HK!
Infertility is one of the hardest battles anyone can fight, there are devastating lows and every high comes with caution and fear. I hope you find encouragement in knowing that battles can be won, my family is an example of that. Praying for you, Andrew and Henry during this difficult time.
I too have been following you for years. I was pregnant with my son at the same time you were pregnant with Henry. In fact, I used Henry’s nursery post as inspiration when designing my own son’s nursery. I always love getting 2 year old boy fashion ideas from your posts and am looking forward to seeing that big boy room soon! Last month I miscarried at 10 weeks pregnant. A loss that is “brutal and messy” sums things up accurately. I’m with you girl. You are not alone.
Erin, thank you so much for your openness and vulnerability. When I struggled with infertility, I visited your blog many times after remembering you had chronicled similar struggles. It was so reassuring to read about someone else who had the same experiences and shared her emotions so openly. I know your words today, along with so many of your posts, will be a source of comfort and help to other women. I am so incredibly sorry you are going though this and wish you all th best.
Oh, Erin, I am so truly sorry that you’re experiencing this heartbreak. Holding you and your family in my heart. You are loved by many.
Stay strong. Much love coming your way.
Adding my voice to the many. . . I am so deeply sorry for your loss. No one can endeavor to imagine the pain and grief you are feeling and will feel. You have given us such joy and encouragement through design, cheerful and tough posts. . . please feel a collective wave of love and support from us your loyal readers.
You are not alone . You are loved . I know the pain of having a daughter in heaven. I have Grace now , a happy healthy beautiful 9 year old. Conceived after the loss of our sweet Kate . I was 38 when she was coceived. Big prayers for you😘
Erin-I know the pain of miscarriage and infertility and I am holding hope for you in my heart.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I too have known loss, although loss of a different kind. I lost my brother, my father, and my good friend and her baby all within a year. It was suffocating. It was devastating. But I cannot for the life of me imagine losing a child. My heart breaks for you. Please know that my prayers are with you, and I will be cheering you on when you decide what you will do next. Hang in there. It’s going to work out, even though it doesn’t feel like it right now.
Holding you in my heart. Thank you for bravely sharing.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I 39 is not the end of the road by any means. I got divorced at 39, we had no children (I did have a miscarriage) and so I decided to freeze my eggs. It took 3 rounds, but I now have 17 eggs frozen. Then in May , 2 weeks before my 41st birthday, my fiance and I found out that we were expecting. Total shock. I’l be 20 weeks on Sunday, still a ways to go, but very hopeful. So, 39 isn’t the end…you have time and lots of healthy eggs that will get your your baby. Even if it takes a little help from docs and meds…
I am so so sorry for your loss. This journey is terribly difficult and heartbreaking. You are loved and have comforted and rooted for so many of us on it through this blog . Grieving with you and your loved ones and sending hugs to you today.
I have followed your blog for a few years now. Our sons are only 2 weeks apart so it has been fun watching Henry grow up virtually. You are the first comment I have ever left on a blog. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I felt pulled to comment to tell you that I understand your lost. We had two miscarriages after doing fertility treatments as well after our son before just having our miracle rainbow baby. After the second miscarriage, I took time for myself and was fortunate enough to have the support to do that. I threw myself into weekly yoga and strength training that helped heal my heart but more importantly I found myself an accupuncturist specializing in fertility. She actually studied from a women in Boston that specializes in women’s health and habitual miscarriages. I had used other acupuncturists in the past for our infertility and never had the results and regulated cycle my current acupuncturist provided me within two months. I also began weekly NAET treatments from my acupuncturist as well as the herbs. I don’t think our miracle baby would be here without her! She changed my mental and physical outlook. I am happy to ask her the women’s name in Boston she studied under if you would like and I wish for you peace and happiness. ❤️
I am so sorry for your loss, I sending your family love and prayers
Wishing you much comfort! May little moments of positivity continue to add up and bring you peace and optimism!!
Oh dear, this brings tears to my eyes. :(
I hate to read this and I too know what it is like to have a little boy and so desperately want to give him a sibling. I’m in a similar position although not having been able to ovulate an egg yet to even get pregnant, I feel for you. You are lucky to have your amazing little boy (as am I) and I wish you the best for whatever your life gives you whether it is a sibling or the peace to know that Henry is your special little miracle! You are not alone and I thank you for sharing your story so that others in similar positions can fill you up with reassurance/light/hope/support and maybe evenpass some of that baby dust your way!
I am so sorry for your loss and heartbreak.
Hi Erin, I follow you on instagram and saw your flower post so came to take a look on your blog. I’m another one that doesn’t usually comment, but I think you and your family are adorable.
On Monday Sarah will turn 30, my second daughter. I have a five year gap between the first and second. Four miscarriages in between. The tears and heartache now have been erased but never forgotten. It did feel so lonely, and so unfair. I had given up hope and then got pregnant again, and spent over five months in the hospital. Your hard work in this will pay off, don’t lose hope, your doctors sound amazing.
I am a long time reader and while I have never posted, I have always rooted for you! This post made me tear up a bit, but I am hopeful for you and your family. I am sending you positive energy, stay strong xo.
I am so sorry for your loss – lots of love to you and your family!
Thinking of you and your family! Praying for healing- mind, body and soul, as well as comfort during this difficult time. You’re vulnerablity is beautiful!
Love you, Erin.
Erin, I’m sure like many of your readers we feel like we know you. We are so sad to read about your loss and feel for you like you are our girlfriend. I have been thinking about you all morning and I hope that in some way all of the thoughts us girlfriends ( the ones you know, and the ones who have yet to meet) put all that energy out into the universe and you feel it. I admire your strength and your positivity and your ability to still see beauty . I hope all good things for you in the future. You are one strong mama.
Erin- I am so very sorry for your loss. You have amazing strength and the love of family and friends to help you get through this difficult time. You also have the support of us who read your blog daily and consider you a friend! Sending you lots of hope, love and faith!
I’m truly so sorry for all you’ve been through and am amazed by your resilience. Much love to you and your family. Xoxo
Sending love your way.
Your post was well-timed. I’m 36 but have the hormone levels of a 55 year old. Before I knew this, I somehow naturally conceived my 2 year old daughter. For our second child we were advised to use donor eggs. Unfortunately, two weeks ago we found out that all of the embryos produced from the donor eggs were chromosomally abnormal, i.e. nothing to transfer. That same day, my daughter said to me, “You and Dada are my best friends.” I melted. She is my greatest blessing. I wouldn’t survive this journey without her.
I’m so sorry, Erin
Yes you should be grateful for at least your one child, but it’s ok to want more and to mourn because you can’t have another (at least yet). The pain is real whether you try for your first, second or even third. I want to thank you for opening up and want you to know that you are not alone. So many of my friends who have fertility treatments struggle because they keep it to themselves. I’ve always been open about the process I went through and it’s been good for me.
I will keep you in my prayers. It’s heartbreaking to know you can’t have your baby girl, but try and remain hopeful. I just have a feeling you will have another one. I felt that way before you were pregnant with Henry, and I don’t even know you.
Lots of love to you xoxo
Sending hugs and strength and love from the other side of the world. You are an inspiration to us all. Thinking of you ❤️
I don’t normally post in the comments section but I wanted to let you know that with strength and an open heart you will get through this. This too shall pass. Sending you thoughts and positivity to you.
I too have followed you for many years and feel compelled to say that my heart breaks for you and your family on this loss. Thank you for sharing and may you draw strength from your family and provide them strength as you all heal.
I am sending you love!
I have followed and loved your blog for years and never commented but I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss. I’ve been through the IVF and miscarriage journey and I am heartbroken for you. Thinking about you and wishing you all the best…
Thank you for your vulnerability and bravery to share your story and pain. IG and other platforms are wonderful ways to connect however sometimes I feel the humanness can be lost. My life is not perfect and my struggle(s) are different from yours but the everything is perfect and everything is perfectly placed facade that we all strive for can be exhausting at times. Sometimes life is messy and I think it’s okay to share that too.
So, simply thank you for sharing! Sending you love, light and prayers for just enough strength and bravery to walk you through what you need to walk through to get to the other side.
Wow, first time reading you, and I think you are super brave to be sharing your story. I feel related at some point, because in a few months I will be starting to try to get pregnant, which is a big step for me since I suffer for endometriosis and I have no idea how this will all work out… So, big anxiety right now, emotions, expectations, and huge amounts of fear.
I truly wish you the best, and advice you to stay strong and confident, and focus your energy on staying healthy and enjoy with Henry and your family.
Looking forward to keep reading you! ;)
awestruck by your courage and strength. praying for your recovery. don’t give up hope.
Erin I am so sorry for your loss, ugh….it just stinks. Thank you for sharing your story with everyone and know you are not alone. I went through a very hard time with my second pregnancy that put me on bed rest for a month with a placental tear that ended with a placental abruption and miscarriage at 6 months. I too was pregnant with a baby girl. Two days after delivery I ended up with a blood clot in my leg and then I had two surgeries on my uterus because placental tissue was lodged in my uterine wall. I was then told that I had to much scar tissue and was wouldn’t be able to carry a pregnancy. Needless to say it was a tough time but I realized I needed to focus on what I have, not what I lost. My son is the most incredible human being who helped me through that time more than he will ever understand. I promise you that if you put your focus on Henry it will give you strength you probably didn’t know you had! The hardest part for me was not being able to give my son a sibling…he is now 13 and he continually tells me that he’s happy he’s an only child so he doesn’t have to share my husband and I with anyone. You are so blessed to have Henry , a mom and son bond is very special. My son still tells me I’m his best friend and I melt every time, I’m the luckiest mommy to have such an incredible child! Feel good and stay strong on your journey and never give up!❤️
Long time follower of your blog but first time posting. My heart breaks for you family. I am so terribly sorry for your loss.
So very sorry for your loss…
Oh Erin, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your strength and bravery in light of such heartbreaking circumstances are inspirational. I’ve long-admired your business savvy and intellect, and it’s clear you’re a loving and devoted mum to Henry. I hope your family and friends bring you some comfort in this devastating time. Sending you big hugs from London x
Wishing you all the best in your journey. I admire your ability to share something so deep and raw with others and I hope you’re able to achieve the dream of expanding your family.
My heart is broken for you and Andrew. Continuing to believe – along with you- that your family will grow! Many prayers!
Thank you for sharing your experience with us, Erin. Your courage and vulnerability are refreshing, though I wish the circumstances were much different for you. Like many others who have responded, I have endured different, but similar, battles as you. I am proud of your determination and hopefulness, and I am grateful for your transparency. Like you said, it helps us heal when we share our stories. My only advice at this truly emotional, disparaging and difficult time is to let your body and soul heal so that you may continue to dance in joy in the near future. All the best to you and your family.
Sending hugs and hope. All is not lost. I’m sorry for your loss but hope that the happiness in your near future will wash this painful memory away.
So sorry for your loss. I hope you can find time in this tough season to take extra good care of yourself, physically and mentally.
God Bless you, Sweetheart. I can also relate to all your heartbreaking losses. We dealt with infertility all through my 30’s; IVF’s & FET’s and losing 4 pregnancies to miscarriage. Then finally I just knew……..being pregnant was not in the cards for me…..so I began focusing on just being a Mom. We then began pursuing adoption and at the age of 41 we FINALLY became parents!! My Libby is now 14 and is a constant joy to my husband and I. We cannot imagine our life without her! You will know when and where your journey will take you. Your heart and mind will guide you. You will know. Count those blessings and have trust, hope and faith. With your determination, I feel sure you will be a mom of two……..or maybe even more!! Rest up. Take care of yourself. And Keep The Faith!!
I’m sorry for the pain and loss that you and your family are going through right now! We’ll keep your family in our prayers!
I know you must be dealing with a canyon of emotions right now. I am so sorry for your loss, and wish you all the love and strength through this time. Thank you for sharing your story.
Erin – so very sorry to read this post today. I do understand the how this can make your heart just ache. Lifting you up in this sadness and praying for brighter days ahead. Henry is blessed to have you as his Mom.
Hi Erin, I’m so sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through right now. My sister and I have both experienced the same thing. Keeps strong. And thank you for being strong to talk about infertility. I remember reading your book in 2014 when I was going to IVF. It made me feel so much better to read your own words about infertility. You have done so much to de stigmatize infertility. Sending you and your family love and all good wishes as you heal and decide on next steps. Xo
I am so sorry for the loss and pain you are going through both physically and emotionally.There are very few words that can make any of this better. I too went through what you are going through and know that the emotional pain is that one that takes longer to heal. You are fortunately to have your son (as you know) but that doesn’t lessen the pain anymore. You will get through this but you need to heal on your own terms. No one can tell you how you should heal or when your healing should be over.
I am speaking from the same experiences you are having … infertility with miscarriage after miscarriage and even a failed surrogate pregnancy. Time does heal. As you said you have a team of doctors supporting you and you do have choices but take care of your emotional health before you make any decisions.
My heart goes out to you knowing the kind of pain you are in right now. There is a far greater force than you and I controlling all if this so be strong , be hopeful but most of all take care of yourself both physically and emotionally.
I’m reading your post at work with tears in my eyes. My heart breaks for you and your family but if there is anything I know about reading your blog is that you’re a survivor and even with a broken heart and every possible obstacle you will continue to thrive. Sending love and positive thoughts to you and your loved ones.
Sending thoughts of support from a fellow veteran of multiple miscarriages; and wishes for peace in your heart as you mourn this little girl. Her little nascent spirit will be with you from here on, just in a way that’s harder to connect with than physical presence. Spend some time with someone who brings a larger spiritual context, whatever your preference and heritage might be, whether religious or secular. Hospice, for example, I learned last week, is a local public service for anyone that is grieving, whether they’ve had family members in hospice or not. And they’re wonderful. I have found comfort through good angel intuitive/ spiritual counselor / energy healers and recommend the same. You might feel a bit wary of it being ‘woo-woo,’ but good ones are legit and can bring peace and understanding. And lastly, be gentle on yourself in the next several weeks. Delegate whatever work you can, let people bring you casseroles, sign up for a massage, go walk on the beach together, etc…
Just sending you huge hugs right now. Allow yourself to be really sad for as long as you need. So much love to you.
Sending love to you and Andrew. Long time reader, first time commenter. You helped me through my own infertility struggles and miscarriages. Feel whatever feelings you want to feel and I pray that healing, while never complete, comes sooner than later for everyone involved.
I’m so sorry you are experiencing this pain. Grief is a tough wagon to pull and the only way out is through, which you know all too well. I’ve had 3 pregnancy losses – one a twin pregnancy (we lost one twin in week 8 and the other in week 10, an early loss, and a loss st 12 weeks, a girl, like you). It was agony. There’s no sugar coating the suffering from loss. It Fing sucks. I hope your healing comes soon, but in the days and weeks ahead I hope you feel buoyed by the love and support from strangers (like me) of family and dear friends alike. Here’s something I read recently and loved: “To me, she never seemed shattered. She was a breathtaking mosaic of the battles she won.” You’re a warrior. Warrior on xo
I absolutely LOVE that quote! Have never heard it before, but such a good reminder that each battle is part of the journey. Thank you for sharing.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. I am praying for you. Your words are beautiful and every sentence is so true. But you are mourning right now and you need time to mourn and time to heal and there is no set time for anyone. I’m so sorry.
I, too, have had a number of miscarriages. So has my sister, my sister-in-law, and several friends. We all used Dr.s trained in NaPro Technology (located all across the country) to help us conceive and carry babies. (Each of us had different issues.) This is just for your future info gathering IF you ever decide you want to gather more info.
Again, I ache for you. You are blessed, but right now, you are suffering. You are not alone. God bless you.
I am sorry for your loss and understand what you are going through. At age 37 I started IVF and during the process had 3 miscarriages, on my 7th and final round of IVF at age 39 ,one embryo finally took. As you know IVF is a long and difficult road drawn out by even longer anxious periods of waiting. I wish you the time and peace to recover and heal and the strength to move forward.
Oh, Erin. You are very brave and strong. Sending love.
I am so sorry for your loss
I am so deeply sorry. Your grit and grace continues to be inspiration to us all. Though you bear the burden, we are all so grateful. And as you said, we are here as your community, your support, your sisters.
Erin, your story breaks my heart, and reminds me of my own struggles. I had two miscarriages in one year as well. The third pregnancy was successful and, at 42, I had a beautiful healthy boy, no medical intervention necessary. We were completely surprised by the pregnancy, and I spent the first months SURE that only heartbreak would result. They hadn’t picked the healthy embryo, I hadn’t been prepped with hormones. How could this possibly succeed? Every milestone, every test ,I was certain that disaster was ahead. Until it wasn’t, and I was home in my rocker with my baby in my arms, believing in miracles.
I believe you will have a miracle too. I am so sorry that your journey is so long and so difficult, and I understand that this experience must have you doubting if this is ever meant to me. But as you say, you have not come this far to come this far. You are young and healthy, and your family is beautiful and loving. I have every faith that your baby will his or her way into your arms some day soon. God bless.
I’m so sorry for your loss and wish you the best as you heal (both in mind and body)! You are definitely not alone as you go through this journey. It took 3 years for me to be able to conceive my daughter (she’s now 5) after undergoing many procedures and several years of fertility treatments.
After she was born my doctor informed me that she would be my one and only and that I had a better shot of winning the lottery than of getting pregnant again. Low and behold 4 years later, I was “surprised” with finding out that I was pregnant again, and this Oct my son will be turning 1. It’s “funny” how life plays out…I truly believe you become that much better of a mother, a friend, a person because you really appreciate what you have, and what you’ve experienced to get there.
I really find your fight inspiring! My sympathies on your loss. As many women have experienced (too many, sadly), you are not alone,… 3 miscarriages and 1 ectopic here & now 2 healthy thriving daughters! keep fighting the fight!
So sorry for your loss. Wishing you healing and the ability to take one day at a time as you do so. Take care.
There are plenty of children in this world who need loving homes like yours.
I’m grieving your loss with you. You are definitely not alone in your pain . And yes, you have won the lottery with little Henry, your best friend ❤️ God knows your heart and will provide what you need. Trust in Him.
Ugh. Just ugh. My heart hurts for you SO MUCH because I’ve been there. After having my first son, I spent almost 5 years trying to have another child. I had two still births- one at 7 months along and then 6. Both were girls which I desperately wanted. It was a very long and dark road but I REFUSED to give up. Ultimately I discovered I have a blot clotting disorder and now I have four healthy kids. Follow your heart and stay strong. No words can make you not sad and heartsick but hang in there. There IS a bigger plan. Sending love. 😔
It is extremely painful to read your blog today, Erin! I’m terribly sorry for your loss and may God be with you all the time and we are here to support you like always my girl :)
So sad to read this! You and Andrew are such wonderful parents your son ! 💙
There are no words to express how very sorry I am for your loss. But please know you are not alone! I lost a baby after my first and the thing that helped me through it was truly acknowledging the loss to family and friends- as you are now- and allowing myself to be vulnerable and supported by them. You are stronger than you know, and your bravery and grace during this time is inspirational. ❤️
I am not fighting the same battle as you but draw so much inspiration from your strength. Thank you for sharing in such a moment of loss and pain. Sending you prayers for healing.
I am so sad to hear of your and Andrew’s loss. You are not alone, I had numerous miscarriages before my first and more again before my second. The one that went three months was the hardest and we too had a heartbeat early on. With all I went through it was worth it in the end. My mom had me when she was 41 and a friend had her last child at 43. I know you are strong. You have a beautiful family.
Aw sweetie. I feel your pain. Take care. It will all work out the way it’s supposed to in the end. You alone will know when you’re done. Feel better.
I’m so very sorry. Infertility and pregnancy loss are a very particular kind of hell, and one I know all too well unfortunately. But what I need you to do now is not doubt that you did everything in your power to give this life a chance. One of the things I HATE about infertility is how much it makes you doubt yourself, in so many respects. I have seriously thought before, if only I eliminated dairy, or ate more bone broth, then the transfer would have worked. It is not your fault. There is so magic diet that will make it work. Be kind to yourself, and give yourself a heck of a lot of grace.
I am so sorry to read this sad news… definitely a ready one. You’re a strong woman and a wonderful mom. Thank you for sharing your story, you are even more of an inspiration to me now. Big hugs to you. ❤️❤️❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss. You are a strong, brilliant, amazing mother, wife and woman!
Sending well wishes to you and your family.
My heart breaks for you and Andrew. But I’m glad Henry reminded you that he has everything he needs in you. Like so many others commenters, I also experienced miscarriage and infertility and am grateful for your honesty and willingness to open up in a way that makes so many women and couples feel less alone.
Please Google Healthy Pregnancy by the Medical Medium on sound cloud. I was skeptical but I truly believe the man is gifted and legit. He is on Instagram. Reach out to Kimberly Van Der Beek on Instagram…her Instagram is @vanderkimberly …….she knows Anthony William (the medical medium) and I am sure she will help fill you in on her pregnancies and health after gaining knowledge from Anthony.
I am a true believer in the Medical Medium. I wanted to mention it but didn’t have the courage until I saw thie post from Emily. He is life changing.
As a long time reader, and mother of one (also a boy) thinking about baby two, my heart is broken for you. I want this for you so badly, and I refuse to give up hope for you. I know someone that this happened to (she actually publicly shared it and then miscarried after 3 months). They later went on to conceive another baby to complete their family of four.
Thank you for sharing this! I know it must be incredibly difficult to share, but please know the comfort many of your posts have given me. I went back and read many of your posts on the early days with Henry when I was in the rough newborn days.
There are no words. Holding space for you and lifting you up in so much love and prayer, Erin. <3
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Sending you peace and hope.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I have a story similar to yours. Not completely the same but with the same ending. It was my first baby. A boy. I remember the doctors (about 8 years ago) so vividly. I cried before the procedure and one doctor took my hand and told me everything would be fine. That one day this would all be a distant memory. He was right. I now have three children. It is a memory. Never forgotten. Man you are so strong. And brave. And only great things come from that combo. I’m about the 300th comment so I really hope you get to read this. 💗. We’re all in this together. We don’t wear our stories for all to see but they’re there. We all have them.
Erin, I’m so sorry for your loss and the hard times you’ve been going through. I have every bit of faith that you will grow your family and I’m sending you my thoughts and prayers.
It’s funny to say this about someone I’ve never met, but I have been thinking about you pretty regularly this summer as we spent the summer in Massachusetts. I have been reading your posts for years and years, and feel like we have gone through a lot of life stages at similar times and for that I find you extremely relatable. I have appreciated your openness and honesty throughout your struggles and kept hoping this summer that you would at some point be able to share happy news. I am so sorry for your loss. It’s heartbreaking. And when I say your experiences are relatable, I unfortunately mean it. I too have experienced losses after hearing the heartbeat and quite frankly after many years have gotten pretty experienced at running through my complicated pregnancy history when asked by every new nurse or doctor. Miscarriages, D&C’s, ectopic pregnancies… been there. But I also believe there is hope. As I type this back home in Texas, I will celebrate my 41st birthday next month and I’m currently almost 7 months pregnant. One of my dearest friends out here is 47 and is 8 months pregnant after experiencing a long and similarly heartbreaking road to make that happen. So I do believe there is hope. Please know that you are not alone. And that sweet boy is so lucky to have you for his mama. Sending healing thoughts and prayers that you will soon get the news you all so dearly want.
I’ve been thinking of you nonstop and just ache for you and this painful, wrenching loss. So glad you shared with this community–there’s so much compassion here for you. It’s like the world is embracing you in a giant bear hug. Sending love, love, and more love. xoxoxo Brettne
I am so sorry for your loss. I have been there and I know how it feels. Wishing you and your husband swift healing in all ways.
Sending you lots of love. I don’t know your circumstances and I am sure you have been receiving tons of advice. I have a couple of things to offer if any of these resonate with you.
1. Mama Natural – she is having her 3rd baby at 43 after having a few miscarriages so you are not done yet
2. Dave Asprey’s “The Better Baby Book” great info. on both female/male items around conception. There are some gaps but this was incredibly helpful during our fertility journey. The power of zinc and your bodies ability to heal is amazing.
3. Chris Kresser’s “The healthy Baby Code” which is an online program – his wife was 38 when they started their fertility journey and he has some pretty solid things to say which may help.
4. Marisa Peer – RTT (Hypnotherapy) which has helped a lot of people relating to fertility
Please give yourself compassion at this time. You are amazing and can heal and I don’t think your journey is over yet. I am going to be 40 soon and am looking at trying for baby #2 . I am right there with you and cheering you on along the way.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Erin. ]
I am so sorry for your loss. It is such a hard thing to lose a future you’d envisioned. The more you speak to others the more you realize that while your situation and your individual grief belongs, as it should, to you, you’re not alone. So many of us have experienced untimely loss. My heart goes out to you, and calls back for me of those early days, and months, of shock and grief. I think your openness reminds us all how human, and lucky, and unlucky, we are, and why taboos should be blown open. I’m not a religious person but I will say that there is always hope, and science, and the realization that despite loss, we are still by the very nature of being alive so lucky. And life is very, very beautiful.
I’m so sorry – just here to say that I’ve been through losses as well but finally welcomed my first baby girl at 40 this past March. It is 100% possible. Take time to heal but stay hopeful. Sending hugs.
Hi Erin – as someone in the depths of inferitility, I so appreciate your honesty. My heart is broken for you. I have lost a baby much the same way, finding out at the ultrasound and then having surgery. I have a little boy Henry’s age and without him I couldn’t even go on sometimes. We are so lucky in so many ways, but IF is mean, unfair and soul sucking. I know your future is bright and beautiful, even if I can’t see what’s in it. Sending actual thoughts and prayers from SC ❤️
Erin, my heart breaks for you and your family. You are an amazing woman. Take the time you need to heal. I am confident that you will know what to do when the time is right. You are in my thoughts, and I wish all the best for you and your loved ones.
Thank You for sharing Erin. My heart breaks for you. As someone who has gone through this and have had no success I can tell you I wholeheartedly understand. But the sun does continue to rise and I know it shines bright in your little boys eyes. This process sucks. No way around that. But you are a very strong woman. ~GG
Erin…..I am so sorry to hear this. You have been through so much. Please try to take care of yourself as best you can during such a sad time. Thank you for sharing as I think women (and their partners) silently suffer through so much related to infertility and miscarriage. You are so strong and very brave. Prayers for you and your family as you continue your journey.
Oh, Erin, I am so sorry. Your note choked me up, and then I lost it when you wrote what sweet Henry said to you. My best friend struggled with infertility and stillbirth. We mourned and cried, and she was angry and devastated for a long time. Fast forward, and she has two amazing adopted daughters. They have the happy family they always wanted. I don’t presume to give you advice about your own family. But I wanted to share that my friends faced the ultimate in heartbreak and despair and now have come full circle. No matter what’s in store for your family, I wish the same happiness for you!
Thank you for sharing this. I know it is hard but I am sure it not only helps you but so many others. Sending a hug and lots of healing prayers.
I am so sorry for your loss. Sending lots of love, and I have faith that you will add another baby to your family soon. Hang in there.
You don’t have to put a brave face on this for anyone but Henry. It really does suck. IVF is no picnic, nor is miscarrying. You’ve been through more than most people should ever be expected to endure in a lifetime, let alone a year. It’s easy to resort to hopeful cliches in the face of such tragedy, because it’s hard to face the pain head-on. We all want there to be a ray of light at the end of your tunnel. But the problem is that no one can tell you how long or dark the tunnel is, nor where it leads. You’re allowed to be bitter and angry and sad and confused. You don’t have to start a gratitude journal unless it’s the only way to get out of bed in the morning. Take comfort in the things that actually provide comfort, and ignore the rest. And thank you for being so honest about this one – please know that in sharing your story, you are helping others through their pain.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve had three miscarriages (two of which required D&Cs at around 10 weeks). Sending hugs.
I am so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage at 3 months and it was such a horribly sad and brutally lonely experience. It makes me sick thinking about it now. I have a child now that I had through egg donation 3 years after that miscarriage and 4 years after infertility treatment. He is beautiful, funny, loving, sweet and smart and I am grateful and lucky to have him but I can’t bring myself to go through treatment again to have another child. I thought for sure I would as I wanted my son to have a sibling but it was too hard on me.
Thank you for sharing your experience so honestly and for breaking down the secrecy around miscarriage and infertility. But most of all, be kind to yourself and know you are not alone.
We are all rooting for you!
I am so very sorry for your incredible loss. My daughter went through 5 years of fertility treatments, surgeries, two unsuccessful rounds of IVF. It was such a horrible time for our family. She was eventually blessed with twins that are the loves of all our lives. I don’t know exactly why I felt compelled to share this, other than your story touched my heart, it brought me right back to those dark days. I feel your loss as a mother does for a daughter . I hope that your healing is swift, that you take the time needed to grieve the loss you’ve experienced, and that your sorrow is somehow lightened by your beautiful little Henry. My thoughts are with you❤️
Thinking of you. My sister had a similar experience to you. Now has a 6 year old and a two year old. When her first son was 2, she lost twins at 14 weeks, decided to stop trying. Two years later at a doctor appointment, mentioned she had been having strange pain. Found out that she was nearly 24 weeks pregnant. Both of her kids are super healthy, adorable and smart. When she had truly accepted her family being a party of three, things changed. My wish for you is this -whatever the future holds, I hope it is the best for Henry, you and your husband’s health and happiness.
I’m so sorry for your loss , Erin. We adopted our daughter after multiple losses and I know exactly how you feel. You are not alone. Best wishes to you as you continue on in your journey.
Erin, You are so brave to share this terrible loss. I do think it’s helpful and important to talk about this. So many women have suffered as you have and don’t feel they can grieve openly. I’m a longtime reader of this blog and really admire your courage and honesty. I pray you find some comfort in the coming weeks and hope your dream of another child comes true, however it happens.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! May the Lord’s spirit sooth your heart!
Cindy and Johnny Salters
I am so sorry for your loss. Positive and healing thoughts being sent your way. Take the time to rest and heal — your mind, body and heart. Thank you for sharing as it reminds us we are all going through things and not alone.
Oh, Erin. I’m so very sorry for your loss. There are so many of us pulling for you through this difficult journey. I can only imagine your pain.
My mother suffered three miscarriages and three still births at 6 months due to placenta previa, back in the late 60s. She went on to adopt my brother, then carry and deliver me. These losses were part of her sorrow in life. I don’t really know how she coped. I don’t believe she really ever healed or sought help. But I DO believe that your candor and honesty is a step towards helping other women heal , towards lifting the taboo that generations of women couldn’t talk about.
I lost my mom last month, but pray she’ll be an angel of sorts to all women who long to be mothers and who grieve their lost pregnancies, including you. I’m so so sorry. Thank you for sharing. Prayers to you and your husband.
I don’t ever comment although I’ve been reading along for a couple years but today I wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you and sending hopeful thoughts and prayers for physical and emotional healing.
I am so sorry for your loss. Words can’t convey it properly but it is there. I also hope you feel the whole world wide web rooting for you and supporting you. You are exactly right: you are never alone in these things. In anything, really.
Also, I hope this comes out right, but I am in awe of your ability to process this. While I know there have been a lot of tears and so much emotion us readers don’t see, your writing is incredibly profound. I can’t help but think, “damn, that is one amazing woman.” You should revel in your ability to deal — It is a superpower.
Erin my heart breaks for you. I too Lost a baby at 3 months and had the same procedure (along with another procedure to remove ovarian cysts and tumors). I was devastated and mourned the lost of that baby for a long time. God was faithful in blessing me with my beautiful son , and I know He will be faithful to you too one day. Thank you for being brave and sharing this with all of us, I’m praying for you and your family.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I truly am. I’m glad you chose to share, because we all have so much love in our hearts for you.
I don’t have any children. I’ve never been pregnant. I’m 44, so it’s not terribly likely this will change. So many of the things I thought would be part of my grown-up life are so different than I imagined. Yet, things are so much better than I imagined and in forms I could never have imagined or wished for or asked for. Life is weird and scary and awful sometimes, yet we always seem to come out on the other side ok and even strangely thankful for some of our scars.
I am fully confident that you’ll get through this, and you’ll bounce back and the right things will find you. But in the meantime, grieve hard and know that you are loved.
There are no words, Erin. Thank you for the strength it took to share your story. We’ve also been through IVF and had our first only to experience failed cycles with the remaining eggs and then the loss of a natural pregnancy. Hearing courageous stories like yours make me feel less alone. Cheering you on from afar. Sending love.
Erin, my heart breaks for you. I’ve been there. My first live birth was at 37. That was after 4 miscarriages. One at 20 weeks when I thought for sure all was ok. After McKenna, I thought for sure my body knew what the f. to do but not true. After one more miscarriage, the infertility tests proved that I was closer to menopause than having a baby. ..at 40. So we made plans for donor ivf. You have to have counseling to agree to this step and it was so hard. We had our appt. in Nov. and then in Dec. I got pregnant with #2 and was successful. These stories always sound so trite. How long can you hang in?? My OBGYN always had worse stories than mine. I was at my last rope when Ashton came. I pray you have the same success. xoxo
I love everything you do, say and create and though I don’t know you personally, I appreciate you putting it out there. Wishing you love, healing and mostly I’m so sorry for your loss.
So so sorry for your loss . Wishing you a quick recovery and comfort.
so well articulated. It is amazing how our children know us in this weird way even when we are going through something so heartbreaking. So very sorry for your loss and I promise you it will get better. You have one incredible little guy who absolutely loves you both! Take comfort in that my friend.
Much love to you and your family….those you hold in your arms and those you will always hold in your heart.
Hi Erin! My heart sank when I saw your IG post and I like so many cried when i read your blog post this morning. You were so smart to share your heart as I am certain it will help many others. There is some really good advice and wisdom in the comments here that made me teary as well (women rock!). Giving you a big ol’ hug. I am so sorry for your pain.
I’m so sorry Erin. I’ve watched friends take a similar journey and I am always in awe of the courage and strength you possess to continue on this path to have more children and then not only that, but be such total bad asses in life. What you are doing is nothing short of amazing. I’ll continue to route for your family and that future sibling(s) for Henry.
Sending love , light, prayers, and hope . Your openness and bravery to speak your heart are amazing. Hang in there.
I’m so sorry. Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sure it helps a lot of women to read it and I hope sharing it helps you, too.
So sorry for your loss. Take care.
Oh, Erin. I can’t even imagine how devastating that loss is. As someone who has been cheering for you from afar for many years, I want you to know that I am cheering for you still. Sending love to you, Andrew, and Henry. <3
So, so sorry for your loss. I too have suffered the devastating loss of a child and words that encourage me are that you still have possibilities to become what you want. You are not given a dream unless you have the capacity to fulfill it. You have shown that in so many aspects of your life and this is no different. You have the capacity to do anything you can dream up. The path might look different (and filled with more heartache) than you imagined, but there is a path. Will be thinking of you!
So so sorry Erin, but you never know what might happen in the future, I feel Henry will get his sibling, I really do… I had two children in my 40’s. Sending healing thoughts, Xoxo Nanette
Thanks. Hearing people say that gives me hope.
Hope is the thing you know…
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. May you cry the tears you need to cry and feel the dissapointment you need to feel. There is honor in grieving something dear to us. We will be with you in the waiting and ready to multiply your hope with our hopes when the time comes.
I’m so very sorry for your painful loss. I have 4 terrific children all in their 20’s now but between #3 and #4 I lost a baby at 4 months. I too , had to have surgery. I always remember the nurse telling me when I apologized for my sorrow, that it didn’t matter the number of children you have or don’t have the loss is real. She told me not to apologize ever again for my pain.
I see in your writing that you, like me, are sensitive to others less fortunate but that is life. There is always someone who has it worse but your heartbreak is real, painful and deep. It always will be with you. May your heart be lightened in time and your dreams become reality. My heart goes out to you and others in similar heartache.
It’s true. While I was in the hospital, the gir in the bay next to me was having the same procedure done . It’s so common and yet so taboo to discuss.
So very sorry to hear about this. Please take care. May you find your peace in this journey.
At times like these, I find comfort in the old words of a man named John, that said ‘a light shone in the darkness, and the darkness could not overcome it.’ The light is still there, Erin, waiting for you. It will wait, too, as long as you need.
I also lean on Nietzsche: ‘that which does not kill us makes us stronger,’ knowing that sometimes the things that kill us make us stronger too.
I sincerely hope you heal, all mind, body and soul, soon. I will keep good thoughts for you here in the Midwest :)
Erin, I am so sorry for your loss. I read your post with tears in my eyes. It was a good reminder to count my blessings too. Thank you for your honesty in a very difficult and emotional situation. You are a wonderful mother and I hope beyond hope you will have a little brother or sister for Henry someday soon.
Thinking of you and your family and sending you love and light.
Erin, I’m so sorry for your loss. I just want to add one more wish of love and support for you and Andrew. ❤
Hi sweet girl – you are never ever alone. We love you from near and far. Take care and you will get to the other side of this.
I’m so very sorry. No one understands the pain and anger and fear and anxiety of infertility until they’ve experienced it. Don’t give up hope though as anything is possible and unexpected miracles happen every day. (But maybe knowing that makes each loss that much harder?)
It took 4 years and 5 rounds of IVF to have my twins, and then I got pregnant naturally when they were 1 year old. (Yes, I hate that I now am an example people use to tell others they just need to relax and stop trying. FWIW, life was incredibly stressful with 1 year old twins, and we were trying.) I worried every day of my second pregnancy. I even had a secret signal for my husband to give me at delivery if everything looked okay when the baby first came out but before I could see him. He’s a healthy and perfect 9 month old.
I know my pregnancy success doesn’t guarantee yours, but it’s an example that it’s possible. Genetic issues caused our failed IVF cycles. Now that our family is complete, the pain of infertility seems like a lifetime ago. I pray that you have the strength to push through and keep fighting until you reach that point as well (no matter what your family’s definition of complete turns out to be). xoxo
I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you as I know just how you feel. I’ve been there twice. It’s unfair because you have to deal with such terrible emotional pain AND physical pain. I pray for complete physical healing for you and that your heart be mended as well with time. Again, I’m so sorry.
Erin, my heart is heavy for you as i read this, tears steaming down my face. Having experienced infertility and loss myself I know the depth of sadness and heartbreak. Be kind to yourself. Xo
I’m so, so sorry. You are so brave to share this part of your journey with everyone and I know this post has helped so many. Lots of love to you and your family.
Erin: I’m so, so sorry for your heartbreaking loss. I am the same age and only have one little girl, due to divorce, and I often mourn for the second child that likely will never be. BUT I also take a lot of hope from all of the wonderful stories of awesome women in their 40s having healthy kids and incredible adoption stories. Whether or not this comes to pass, I think the MOST important thing is to live with gratitude for our beautiful, healthy, present children. Sending you hugs!
Ohhhh I am so so very sorry. That just totally sucks. I’ve been there myself and while time certainly does heal, you’ll be forever changed by this loss. Reading this just made me relive my own traumas all over again. There’s nothing remotely fair about it and that, for me, was one of the hardest things to reckon with.
I admire your openness and truly believe you’ll heal faster with support. Be kind and tender to yourself, and I wish you all the best.
My heart breaks for you Erin. Lots of love to you and your family.
I grieve with you, Erin. I’ll be thinking of you and wishing you, Andrew and Henry all the best. Sending positive thoughts and hugs your way from West Rox.
My thoughts are with you. Having been through my own struggles with infertility, I have tears in my eyes as I read your post. During my struggles, a good friend always told me to be kind to myself. Try to be kind to yourself and give yourself the time and patience you deserve to grieve and heal. She also always told me that there was a little soul out there who would someday come into my life. And she was right. While the journey was long and hard, my daughter is my everything and I’m glad we never gave up. All the best to you and your family.
I’m so incredibly sorry to read this. sending hugs, a wish for a cozy blanket and soft pillow to allow you space to recover. Henry is a lucky boy- you are clearly a wonderful and loving mother.
I’m so sorry to hear this and sorry you have to go through this. Take time to heal. Also know, there is ALWAYS hope. I miscarried at 40. I had my first at 42. My second at 44. Take really, really good care of yourself. Stay positive . I found a very good acupuncturist to help me with both pregnancies. Both were women, one in PA, one in VA (because we moved). These women were my Angels and really helped hold the light for me. They helped me and my body so much. It will all be OK. Sending you lots of healing prayers.
My prayers are with you and I love the way you ended this post. What a beautiful moment between you and your son, I found myself visualizing what must have been a moment that you will treasure forever. I believe God has a plan for us all and sometimes it’s so hard too understand what that is but I’ve had many friends over the years that struggled with the loss you’ve been through and I’m happy to share with you that they’re are all Momma’s. They are my heroes and I’m honored too call them my friends. This will be my prayer for you everyday.
Erin, I am so sorry. I know your pain – I have felt it and it is unimaginably hard. My thoughts are with you today!!
I am so sorry for your loss. Every life is so precious. You are incredibly strong! God will get you through, we are never alone.
I am so very sorry. I’ve been there – loss after heartbeat. Please please hang in there. Hugs.
Erin, My heart is broken for you. You are so strong and brave for posting this. Sending lots of comfort, love and healing to you.
I am very sorry for your loss. I love your blog and I love your honesty. I am the mom of a 3 year old girl born at 27 weeks gestation. At a 21 week ultrasound, a (tactless) doctor told me there was very little chance my child would survive, so little in fact that they wouldn’t hospitalize me the chances were that low. I spent the next 6 weeks wondering if I was going to have a baby or not, but the hardest part was deciding what to share with people and what not to. After that experience, I’ve been advised not have anymore children and I accept that my family is done, but it does cause me a little pang of regret every once and awhile (especially when I see cute little boy clothes on your blog!).
So sorry for your loss, Erin. So sad and hard to understand. Have faith and hug your little boy and husband tight until you figure out your next step — the path will become clear in time. I’m thinking of you. Xo
Erin , I have been there – miscarriages, infertility and one biological son as well! Talking about it is healing! You are very brave! What gave us hope was knowing that we could expand our family by way of adoption. We now have a beautiful daughter who came to us via Russia! She is everything we had ever hoped for and brings us endless joy! It’s been 11 years since she came home. We have never looked back!
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Life can be cruel and I am sorry someone so kind and loving has to experience so much loss. You are very courageous to share you story. I hope you find comfort and peace.
Erin words can’t convey how sorry I am for your and Andrew’s loss. Sending you hugs from afar.
Oh Erin how my heart aches for you. I’m so sorry for this hard hitting loss. Thank you for sharing.
I am so very sorry to read this, Erin! I’ve been there and back again, seven times in total, and each miscarriage has its own unique cruelty to it. I hate that you’re going through it now and I understand the need for a fresh start and an action plan. After each failed pregnancy, I kept thinking that if I just was healthy enough, kind enough, strong enough, good enough…that I would get my baby. I mean, I’d certainly run through all of my bad luck, right??!? If only it were simple. As others have said, you are going to be ok. You are too amazing to us all for you to doubt that for a second. Hugs.
I don’t have anything to say except that this sucks and I’m so sorry. I will keep your family in my thoughts. Let yourself feel all the feelings and have some wine.
Hang in there. Been there. I have one incredibly healthy, happy 28 year old boy who has made a big exciting life for himself in New York City. It’s been a great adventure getting to see it all happen. I wished, tried, prayed for more, but in the end, I made peace and am happy now. And give yourself a break, some slack, some love. You deserve it. And try to remember how lucky you are currently. Hugs
We’ve met but you certainly wouldn’t know me. I lived in the South End when you did and then Newton. I’ve seen you at swim class with Henry and around town with your family, which is all just to say I feel connected to you in some way. I suffered miscarriages as well and your forthrightness with your struggles did really help. My heart breaks for you and Andrew and Henry. It is a special kind of cruelty and pain and I’m so sorry you are all too familiar with it.
Oh, Erin. My heart breaks for you. While I have not experienced infertility, my family is not the size I hoped it would be for other reasons. I have a son close to Henry’s age and I struggle to make peace with the fact that he will be my only. When I was pregnant we found out early he was supposed to be a twin but one didn’t take. At the time I was relieved but now I mourn what could have been.
I have several friends who have experienced losses, from mere weeks to nearly full term, and some who have lost children, young and older. I am continually moved by how tough you all are to keep moving forward and what strength it takes to share your story.
As sad as I am about only having one I am so grateful he is here and healthy and mine. He is the light of my life as I know Henry is yours. I hope you get another miracle, however it happens.
So so sorry for this loss. Be gentle with yourself and emotions. It is a difficult and tricky time. Hug that sweet boy and know so many are thinking of you and praying for you. Hang in there! xoxo
Prayers for you and Andrew. So sorry for your loss. Having gone through IVF and ICSI, I understand your pain. My daughter, whom we adopted at birth, is now 21 and being her Mom is my blessing.
Blessings to you wherever your journey to parenthood takes you.
Erin – I follow your blog for your awesome design posts ( have your book too!), but I also enjoy your family stories and your honesty, although this post broke my heart. I only had one child which was a few years in the making, always wanting another (or two), so I understand the terrible pain of infertility. It just never seems fair. Now I find myself at 65 years old with 5 grandchildren! So weirdly enough I now have more grandchildren than most of my friends who of course all had more than one child! Some of my friends don’t have any grandchildren and that doesn’t seem fair either, because these ladies want them so badly. Life is so unpredictable – as you well know, it throws good, great, and bad surprises. As with everyone life has thrown me some rough curveballs, but I am enjoying the time of my life now. Having one child was not so bad either. First, it only took one child to make me a mom (and now a grandmom). My one child was social and always shared well; we always had lots of kids around our house which I loved. I can just tell you as someone who age wise could be your mom, it’s going to be OK one way or the other, because despite the awful hurt of today, you have Henry, Andrew, and your dear family. Hugs coming to you . . . 😘
Erin I’m so heartbroken to hear this. You and your family have been through so much. I’ve gone through my share of IVF and miscarriage- it’s one of the most horrible things to go through. Sending much love and healing vibes your way.
I am so, so sorry. I can’t imagine the disappointment.
In no way belittling your loss, but be happy that you have your little boy, because so many of us never get that.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. As someone who has been through both IVF and relatively late in pregnancy loss, I understand your pain. I wish you nothing but peace and healing. Hang in there.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers❤️
Thank you for sharing this. You are doing so much good and helping others far beyond what you will ever know. Sending prayers, and all the good vibes and thoughts your way.
I’m so sorry. Sending serenity vibes your way. I’ve been on that roller coaster. It is so so draining, elemental and all consuming. I think I am still hypervigilant to the possibility of bad things…but there is another side to this turbulent ocean…someday this pain will still be so significant but not the biggest part of you…someday your life will feel complete, however this particular chapter ends. Hold onto that thought while you grieve this loss and figure out your next steps. I wish you courage and peace! and, I love your work and admire your business sense…it’s always nice to hear something positive about an area of life that’s going well when the fertility path is so difficult!
I’m sad with you, Erin. You’re a great mom. – Stephanie
My heart goes out to you and Andrew, you’re brave to continue and the loving support system you have already, will help you get through this and a new pregnancy that will go full term – my fingers are crossed!! This brings back so many memories of a difficult time. Despite several IVF treatments and operations, it wasn’t meant to be, so I opted for adoption. Best decision of my life and now that she’s close to her 23rd birthday, I can say that she’s the most wonderful young woman I hoped she’d be. Couldn’t have been more perfect and certainly healed my bleeding heart at the time. I actually had to walk away from IVF as it consumed my life and every disappointment was more devastating and damaging to my mental health. I sincerely hope you’ll succeed the next time, having a little sister for Henry, a little Henriett, would be just perfect :-)). Hang in there, it will get better!
I am so, so sorry for you and your family Erin. My deepest sympathy
Two of my friends are in the throes of IVF right now, and I wish they could know how much I’m pulling for them. I feel the same about you, even though we’ve never met. Thanks for sharing and please know I’m sending up a prayer for you and your family.
You are in my thoughts and in my prayers.
That post broke my heart. Sending all the comfort in the world.
You are in my thoughts!! It was so brave of you to share this but hopefully we can help to lift you up. Thinking of y’all
So incredibly sorry for your loss. I hope that you will draw strength from the family and friends who surround you as well as from this larger community with whom you share your story. People often think that infertility is easier on those who already have a child. But, as someone who suffered through secondary infertility, I know that it is not. It’s different, but it’s still painful. Who knows what the future holds but, when the time is right, you’ll figure out the best next step. For now, take care of yourself, lean on Andrew (and let him lean on you) and enjoy your time with your best friend, Henry.
I’m really sorry for your loss. You are a strong and brave mom. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I am so sorry. I have no specific words of comfort or advice, but you are in my thoughts and prayers. ❤️
the hurt will pass you’ll see…be brave till then
Erin I am so very sorry for your loss. As someone who has been there, I know exactly the depths of loss you are feeling in these moments. Here’s a piece I wrote after my own second trimester loss, in case it makes you feel less alone. And in case it gives you hope, after I reached what I thought was the end of our road, we found success and had a sibling through surrogacy. He is absolute proof that anything is possible, and I truly hope that one day you too can look back and know that this impossible time is part of your journey to the baby you wish for.
I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I hope you can take small comfort in knowing you’ve done a great, important, powerful thing by bravely sharing your journey, and heartache, with us. And I hope you can feel all the love and support and good vibes we are all sending your way.
Well, fuck. I’m so very sorry to hear about your and Andrew’s loss. My heart aches for you both. Sending love and well wishes from California.
I’ve read your story from before Henry to now cheering you on and saying prayers when it sounded like they could be used.
I’m so sorry for this recent loss. It seems unfair and breaks my heart for you and your family.
While no one can take away the pain, I’m certain that your vulnerability and story are helpful to so many other women wanting to be Mom’s for the first time or another time. I’m grateful you are so giving and open and honest from decor to politics to your business and your personal challenges.
There is light at the end of a storm. During the storm, know you have so many people behind you and your family.
Thank you for always sharing your story – the raw and the pretty. You are a model to many.
My heart aches for you. It’s not fair. I am incredibly sorry.
I’m so sorry Erin. I lost a pregnancy in a similar way and while time makes it easier, the wound never truely heals. It is a heartbreak like no other and I was so sad for you reading your post. I hope you are able to find comfort in the blessings you have and I hope you can find peace with whatever decision you make about your future.
I am so sorry.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I have read your blog for a long time and I’ve felt a sort of sameness about your personal struggles because I’ve gone through similar experiences. But even though that’s true I still don’t have words. I just hope this message and all the other words of kindness lift your spirit.
I don’t know what else to say besides THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE SHITTIEST!!! So sorry you are going through this again. Praying for healing and peace, and the courage and strength to go through this again if and when you decide that’s what you want.
The thing about miscarriage is that it is an invisible loss to the world, but not to you. That was your baby and it is devastating. I hope you have time to mourn and grieve. I know telling your story is powerful and that you are helping someone else. I lost a baby at 10.5 weeks who would have been 21 this year. Every year I am reminded about it because it happened the day Princess Diana died and it still brings me to tears. I did go on to have my son and I know now that there was a different plan for me than I had in mind, but it is so very hard and I wish you peace and healing.
We also lost a pregnancy at 12 weeks after hearing a heartbeat at 8 weeks. It was our second miscarriage, and it was devistating. We lost one more before we became parents to the two most wonderful boys. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. It is not easy to bare your raw soul to the world. Sending lots of love your way.
I am so sorry.
I am so sorry for your loss. I have been there. Many shots and fertility treatments and a miscarriage of my own. I know how lonely it is. My prayers are with all of you. Give yourself time to heal and it will. May God bless you and your family.
My heart breaks so much for you right now. After multiple miscarriages and so many losses, it never got easier. Luckily I’m done now and don’t have to go through the pain anymore (I do have 2 children)…but reading this brought back so many painful memories and there’s a pit in my stomach knowing your feelings and hurts and worries right now. Just remember you have your sweet Henry and take care.
I’m so sorry for all of this. I wish so much for you there was a different kind of post today. Thank you for sharing your story.
My heart goes out to you. Pregnancy loss, and infertility, and secondary infertility, are all HORRIBLE. Been there, done that, recovered, but I am very familiar with how devastating it was. Do whatever it takes to heal – be selfish, cry, sob, eat ice cream. xoxox
what a punch to the gut and groin! Fertility really sucks and hearing this news, I feel like I am there with you and physically re-feeling what it was like when I received the news that my IVF cycles had failed or that the heartbeat I had seen similarly disappeared. I’m sorry. And the hormones mess with your head as much as your body but remember with each day, there will be less in your body and you will slowly get more of an even keel.
In the meantime, feel free to mentally punch all pregnant people you see and rage at all the reality shows where, oops, someone gets pregnant from having a one night stand (I don’t even understand how having sex = a kid).
We are in the hole with you.
I cried while reading this because I know that place where you are right now so well and my heart breaks for you and your family. Please know there is hope and we are all praying for you.
You are truly inspirational and such a smart, kind and courageous soul. Thank you for sharing such a painful time in your life. I believe if the rest of the world and certainly the majority of people on social media exposed their vulnerability and truth as you so eloquently do, perhaps other not talked about things like depression and mental illness would become more acceptable topics of conversation.
Nothing could be as painful as losing a child and my heart is heavy today as I read your post. You clearly were meant to be a mother and although I’m sure this loss makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to you and Andrew, the Universe must have a different plan. Be. Receive. Give Thanks
I’m so, so sorry, Erin. While our paths on this motherhood thing haven’t been perfectly in step, I’ve gone through some major hurdles trying to start my family as well and I know this is such a painful and emotionally whiplashing process. If you ever decide you want to reach out to me to ask about using an egg donor, I’d be happy to talk about my experiences on that frontier. Sending love and healing thoughts from Seattle.
Erin, I’m so sorry. I went through a similar experience with my first pregnancy. All I can say is it will get better. It might not feel like it right now, but, in time, you will begin to feel better. Sending you a big hug. Susan
I am sorry for your deep loss. If you don’t feel done yet, go with that feeling. Fight for it and please know that many share your grief with you, you are not alone.
I am so sorry. I am thinking about you and sending you lots of love today.
I am so sorry for your loss, Erin.
I miscarried at 9 weeks. I didn’t try again as my life changed significantly afterwards. I do wonder what life would be like.
John and Sherry from Young House Love had a Katie Daisy print in their daughter’s room. Something about the colours and design along with the text meant so much to me during the horrible week while I waited for an appt to check if I had had a miscarriage. It says “You are so loved”. I’m crying again typing this.
I guess I just wanted to say that whether you believe in God or souls (which I don’t), there was and is something comforting to me in knowing that my baby knew love. And I know yours did too. Sending love from my family to yours.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I know how unexplainably painful it is to experience a miscarriage. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your husband. I pray that He will heal you both physically and emotionally and prepare you for the next step. Also, I’d like to thank you for openly sharing your loss. Going through a miscarriage can be so painfully isolating and you sharing your experience I know is helping so many going through this
I am so sorry Erin. You have displayed so much strength and grace during your fertility journey, and are clearly a wonderful mama to your beautiful boy.
After a long journey I finally got pregnant with my wonderful twin boys at 39. You have time should you make the decision to try again. Sending you love & strength.
Erin I’m so so sorry to read this – it’s remarkable how clearly you write and think even while going through it. I went through secondary infertility and ended up working with a gestational carrier. If ever that becomes an option of interest for you guys, I’d be happy to share my experience.
I am so, so sorry for this loss and the losses that have come before it. You are so strong and I know that you must just be so sick and tired of being strong, hearing how strong you are, and thinking of how much stronger you’re going to have to be in the future — but it is still something that I feel a need to reaffirm: you. are. strong.
Thinking of you and your family and hoping that you guys are taking care of yourselves and each other. All the love going your way today.
Erin, I’m so sorry for your loss. This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing –the internet is a better place because of your transparency.
So sorry to hear this terrible news. You are strong and brave and will feel strong again but take some time to feel the pain and soak up the love you have from your son and friends and family to lift you back up. I struggled and 3 pregnancies between my daughter and my son, the one lost at 12 and 1/2 weeks, was so hard, and I still think about it. But I did go on to have a son after so my kids are 4 1/2 years apart and it wonderful. I don’t know how your story will go on but I know that you are strong and it will lead a vibrant life. I know it’s not any consolation but you are the one place on the internet I constantly go, both for the design/style but mostly because you are human and so authentic and honest to go along with your talent. That is not easy to find out there. Plus, I used to live close by to you in the South End and I feel like I know you even though we haven’t met. You are a source of inspiration on so many levels. I wish you well in your adventures to come.
I’m so sorry, Erin and Andrew. Thank you for sharing with us. We are all here for you.
I am so sorry for your loss— such inadequate words, but I hope you feel the hug behind them.
So very sad!!!
I’m so sorry for your loss, your pain, and your grief. Feel all your feelings, as they are real and valid, but know and remember that this is not your fault. Even though you don’t know me (or so many of your other followers) personally, know that over the years we feel like we have gotten to know you, and feel heartbroken on your behalf. And thank you, as always, for being brave enough to share your life with strangers. You make the internet a more human and lovely place.
Erin, thanks for sharing this very personal struggle. I am so very sorry for your loss. I truly hope that you are able to heal from this and to realize your dream of giving Your sweet boy a sibling. Continue to cherish the time you have with your wonderful family!
I’m so sorry to hear this. I had a miscarriage in between my 2 boys, and even though it happened early, at 8 weeks, it was way more devastating than I would have ever expected. I literally cried my eyes out for days. I can’t imagine going through that loss more than once. Take some time to grieve and rest before you make any decisions about your next steps, plenty of women have babies in their 40s these days!
I am so sorry for your loss.
I’m so so sorry to hear this, it breaks my heart. Your honesty and strength are inspiring. Thoughts and prayers go to you and your family.
I’m devastated for you, but encouraged because you clearly have a loving family no matter what it looks like now or in the future. You are amazing and strong and inspirational. Keep on.
I am so very sorry. A pain that is deep and profound. x
My heart breaks for you. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Between my 2 healthy babies born 3 years apart I lost a pregnancy at 12 weeks. It was devastating and incredibly taxing emotionally. I was guilt ridden wondering if I had done something wrong. I had to have surgery to to recover from the miscarriage. It didn’t help to hear my doctor say first trimester miscarriages were common and every woman is likely to have one. I never thought I would carry another baby to term but I did. It eased the pain of the baby I lost, but the pain never fully goes away. What does help is being with the healthy child(ren) I have and knowing how incredibly blessed I am to have them. Sending you good vibes and love.
I can understand your heartbreak, having gone through similar issues trying to get pregnant. You should know that when we were having fertility issues and miscarriages for nearly 2 years, I would come to your site often and read your generous posts about the struggles you endured. You really helped me through it by having someone to relate to. So glad that you, too, gather strength from your readers like you have given many of us. Hang in there. Keep being strong, and continue to have faith. I believe things work out in the end as they are supposed to.
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Prayers for comfort and healing do you and all your family.
Oh Erin, I am so sad to be reading this. You are such an inspiration to me and my journey. So grateful for your candor and pain shared can be lifted much easier. Sending healing thoughts to you and your gorgeous family.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I don’t know you of course, but I’m very proud of the bravery and honesty you and Andrew have shown in sharing your fertility struggles. Please know that it helps many others.
Sending love to you and your family.
I am so sorry.
I cannot try to begin to understand what this is like, but thank you for being brave enough to share your experience. The internet is a little bit better of a place because of you, Erin. All the good vibes to you and yours while you mourn your loss and begin to heal.
You are a brave and courageous women. I am so sorry about your heartbreaking news. I know you will pick yourself back up and forge ahead in life. Be kind and gentle to yourself. I send you prayers filled with hope and comfort.
I am so sorry to hear this, and greatly appreciate the sharing. Do take care of yourself, physically and emotionally. Henry is a lucky little boy to have such a great family to raise him.
Erin & Andrew, I am so sorry for your loss. I just heard this song recently and it brought me hope following a difficult time – perhaps as you process your grief and your hearts begin to heal it can be encouraging for you in the coming months as well.
“Tell your heart to beat again”
Like you’ve never been before
The life you knew
In a thousand pieces on the floor
And words fall short in times like these
When this world drives you to your knees
You think you’re never gonna get back
To the you that used to be
Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday’s a closing door
You don’t live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again
Just let that word wash over you
It’s alright now
Love’s healing hands have pulled you through
So get back up, take step one
Leave the darkness, feel the sun
‘Cause your story’s far from over
And your journey’s just begun
Tell your heart to beat again
I am so sorry. There is not much to say. We had similar struggles for years. We had success later so keep trying if you feel up to it. The pain lessens. Sending you warmest wishes.
So very sorry for your families loss. Thank you for sharing and I hope you are able to grieve and take care of yourself. The moments with Andrew and Henry will comfort your heart.
I’m so very sorry for your loss, Erin. I am thinking of you, Andrew, and sweet Henry.
I am also grateful that you openly share this aspect of your life and know that you are touching many people by doing so, including myself. When I experienced a miscarriage, your words were the first I sought out to reread and find comfort. All I can say is that I wish you comfort during this heartbreaking time. I hope so much that you will have all you desire for your family. <3 Sending healing thoughts.
Oh no, I’m so sorry. It does seem unfair to me that for some it is easy and others so hard. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to it. My thoughts are with you and your family.
A few years ago I had a miscarriage. Soon after you happened to have written a blog post and mentioned losing a pregnancy while trying for Henry. I cried b/c I wasn’t alone. I then learned how common it was and couldn’t believe how infrequently it was talked about. I’m grateful for you to this day for putting yourself out there. It had a big impact on me at a time when I was heartbroken. Thank you for your courage and continuing to share your story. I’m so so sorry for your loss. My heart truly goes out to you. Sending you love.
I am so sorry for you… but do not give up! I have almost 4 years between my first and second due to miscarriage. I too, went in for a routine ultrasound at 13 weeks and there was no heartbeat. Genetic testing found a blood clotting disorder so if I could manage to get pregnant again, daily blood thinners in the tummy would help prevent more miscarriage. Thankfully,I went on to have 2 more healthy babies and unfortunately, more miscarriages. And for the record I am an older mom, my first at 30. My twin sister is pregnant at 42. It’s not easy but totally worth it and your Henry proves that. My best to you 🙏🏻
Did the baby have the clotting disorder or you? This is something I have not been tested for so am curious.’
Ask for a repeat loss panel. They should test you and your husband for chromosomal issues, and you for clotting and autoimmune issues. It didn’t show anything for me, but it was reassuring that maybe it would work out one day.
I also have a clotting disorder and I am almost positive the commenter above means that she had it, not the baby. I was told it was a possible cause of my multiple miscarriages–including three in one year all between 8 and 13 weeks–because the babies were not getting enough blood flow into the womb. Some docs will put you on baby Aspirin, but mine had me on Lovenox. If you’ve had a big blood panel done, which I have to imagine you’ve had given all that you’ve been through, a clotting disorder would likely have come up. But it’s definitely something to double check on.
My heart is absolutely breaking for you and your sweet family – I am so sorry for your loss. Sending so much love and thoughts your way
Erin I have followed you and your journey to motherhood. I comment because my daughter had 5 miscarriages, her son born after the first one and the other 4 after after. She was dismissed by so many doctors of all types. She was finally diagnosed with hypothyroidism by a naturopath and went on to have a normal pregnancy and and delivery. Hypothyroidism is rarely if ever considered as a cause of repeat miscarriages by the traditional medical community. She had no metabolic or genetic issues.
My heart breaks for you. I felt it important to share this with you.
I actually have my thyroid tested every 4 weeks by my fertility doc. It swings between normal, slightly hyper and sometimes slightly hypo. But not enough to be an issue they said. But a good reminder to re-check this with my endocrinologist in the meantime.
Erin, I am so very sorry for you loss. My heart aches for you and your family.
I just don’t know what to say except that I am another person out here who truly cares, and I am truly sorry. I can’t even imagine what you are going through, all I know is you are strong Erin. Sending love to you and Andrew.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I am sorry that you have to experience this loss and admire both your candor in expressing it and your determination to hang in there. May whatever the future brings be a blessing.
I have no profound words that will bring you comfort. I don’t know you. I just enjoy your blog and anxiously look for new posts every morning. Through this, I do care about your sorrow. I hope that you will find comfort in the coming weeks from your family and friends. It is also my hope that you are comforted knowing that strangers are hurting for you and wish for you to find peace. You have a beautiful family and a wealth of “strangers” who are thinking of you today.
Grieving for this loss is painful. Sometimes what gets overlooked in the grief is the disappointment. The minute something enters our lives we kick into some higher gear and our brains just light up with plans. We see our future. We can so clearly see what is in store for our lives.
I am truly sorry for your loss. And for your grief. And for the disappointment that goes along with it. My wish for you is that you find the strength to do whatever your heart tells you is the right thing. Take care of yourself.
Keep fighting. I know it’s impossible to see through the pain, but you will appreciate this next baby more than some mothers ever can. It’s a club of which I wish you weren’t a member. But you will love so deeply because of it. How lucky Henry and this next child will be because of your struggle.
Praying for you!
My heart breaks for you and Andrew. I am so sorry, and holding you close in my thoughts.
I’m so very sorry, Erin and Andrew. So very sorry. I have so many friends and siblings who have miscarried and it’s awful every single time, because every single baby is such a precious gift and any loss, no matter how early, hurts. One thing that has made a difference in our circle is to name these babies. They are our babies. Naming them acknowledges their short lives and presence as part of our families. Just something to consider as you begin grieving this loss.
I am SO sorry for your loss. And for Andrew and Henry’s loss as well. :(
Erin, I am so sorry for your loss. Choosing to share this raw, traumatic experience is courageous. May you continue to find comfort from your loved ones, and find space for your grief.
How sad! I am so sorry for your loss and are reminded how lucky I am to have a boy and a girl. Trying to remember the next time they get into a big sibling fight or fight about who „owns“ Mom.
Don‘t give up, miracles do happen.
Sending healing thoughts your way!
I have been there. I am so incredibly sorry. I promise one day you will wake up and it won’t be the first thing you think about. Stay strong and hug that sweet boy of yours hard.
I am deeply inspired by your strength, bravery, and the peace you have that surpasses all understanding. You are such a blessing to those who know you even if through this blog. I pray for healing in every way and that whatever comes ahead that amazing peace stays with you.
So incredibly heartbreaking. I can hear the pain in your words and my heart goes out to you. I hope all of your readers can lift you up with their words of comfort in just a small way. And….. thank goodness for the love of Henry and Andrew.
Sending so much support. I’ve lost three pregnancies and the loss and heartbreak is crushing. Here’s to a much brighter tomorrow and physical and emotional healing. XO
I am so sorry for your loss. And I am so glad you have Henry.
All life is precious … she knew love … and joy.
You are a lovely person , I thank you for the contact – allowing me to share your grief for this loss and comfort you with caring and love.
Erin and Andrew,
I am so, so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself and know that we are all thinking of you. Sending love and prayers.
I’m so sorry for you all, Erin. Your strength is incredible. When I’m in a dark spot it helps to hear stories of hope: my mother-in-law, and two friends all had beautiful, healthy children, each at the age of 44, after miscarriages. Sending you peace and love.
Thanks for sharing your heart, Erin. I join so many others in saying I’m sorry for the loss of your daughter. My daughter lost her first child while pregnant and I was with her for that sad delivery. Sending you love and light and praying it’s meant to be that one day Henry will have his sibling, and you and Andrew your child. Ciao, Dee
Sending you lots of love and comfort during this painful time. We all appreciate your honesty. Lots of love and brighter days ahead.
I’m so sorry for your loss. You are so courageous for sharing your journey. Hugs!
I’m so sorry you have to go through all of this. But thank you so much for talking about it. I have never experienced anything like this but have several friends who have. And most of them are incredibly closed off and private about it. While I have no right to say how they should handle it (and am not), my friends who are open seem to heal better. Not that there isn’t pain, but as you said not feeling alone is a great way to heal. Which I can attest to from other shared bad life experiences. So again, I’m sorry and thank you for being brave enough to open up.
I’ve been a long time follower and I think some of my favorite posts are the ones where you are so honest about your life’s ups and downs. There have been times where I don’t agree with you, but that’s okay – your honesty (and great style) keeps me coming back for more. I don’t think I’ve ever posted on your blog, but after reading this, I want to thank you for sharing such a personal experience. My heart breaks for you and Andrew, but I’m an eternal optimist and I’ll be cheering for you. I truly hope that your journey to give a sibling to Henry will come true.
Erin, sending much love during this very difficult time for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story with us, even though it is no doubt hard for you to do so. I remember when I was dealing with infertility and pregnancy loss, I was humbled by how many women had come before me. Giving a voice to these challenges helps make others feel less isolated. I am a long-time reader who is really rooting for you.
much love <3
I don’t have any magic words or wise things to say, but here we all are, cheering you on. Sending you hugs and positive thoughts. ❤️
Sending SO much love and support to you Erin. This is a tremendous loss and I don’t know quite what to write other than I’m sorry. While I haven’t struggled with infertility myself, my dear sister is right alongside you and it’s completely heartbreaking. Love and Hugs, Anna
So sorry to hear this, Erin. Thank you for sharing as always and praying for you all.
Sending you all the love and strength your heart can hold! We are all here with you and praying. Will never understand why these things happen. Stay strong, you’ve got this. I cannot have children…my Husband and I are adopting and we just went through a failed match with a birth mom who changed her mind after giving birth. So our pain is similar (and different), and it is nothing like I have ever experienced. Thank you for being so open. God doesn’t give this to everyone (as annoying as that sounds). We are warriors, and I pray that someday all of this will make sense.
Erin – I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t know what you are going through because I have not been through a miscarriage, but I have been through multiple cycles of IVF at 37 (2 stimulation cycles and 1 FET cycle). Pregnancy has been a success (37 weeks now) but I have not forgotten the work it took to get here. IVF is the hardest thing both physically and emotionally that I have ever done. While I feel blessed to have had financial ability to do multiple IVF cycles and a good doctor and a baby on the way, I don’t like to sugarcoat the process. No matter how tempting it can be to say “I’m OK,” I think it’s unfair to other women out there. My point is this – know there are those of us out here who hear you and get it. It’s hard and draining and awful. No matter what you decide to do next we are cheering for you and your family. Thank you for sharing.
I had a high-risk pregnancy with my daughter (now 7), that was a very “coordinated medical event” with many doctors involved. And immediately after I delivered a healthy baby girl, they all said “and now you are done”. The hardest part was not being able to make that decision for myself. But I am constantly reminded how lucky that I have one healthy child who loves me so much. It took years for me to be okay with knowing I can only have one child – but there are so many bright sides (trust me!). I wish you the best as you heal during this time.
I’m so very sorry for this massive loss Erin. Even if you don’t feel like it right now, you are so strong and an inspiration for so many. Thank you for sharing your story so honestly. Sending you strength from London
So much love to you, dear girl. My heart is just broken for you to have been dealt such a terrible blow. I cannot fathom it, and I am just so very sorry. You aeare so strong and brave to share your heartache and grief. Through the process please don’t hesitate to share if you feel ready. This internet is a weird place but also a beautiful way to connect so many people together. So many of us grieve alongside you today. You have a wonderful heart. All the hugs to you all as you navigate the coming weeks and months.
Erin, my heart has been with you as you share your struggles with growing your family. I truly hope another miracle will happen for you when the time is right. Sending lots of hugs.
I’m so sorry for your loss Erin. Holding space for you and your family.
You are so brave. And your honesty is commendable. We aren’t friends but I cry at your updates as if you were sitting at my kitchen counter telling me this over coffee. I’m in the same boat, 3 losses. And the last one, at 13 weeks, felt so fucking unfair. I share your perspective of how it feels to also have a son in all of this, except mine is a curious and bright 6 and a half year old. He knows when I’m pregnant before I tell him and has been part of our family grieving with each loss- talk about brutal. There’s that feeling of being beyond grateful for having someone to call you Mom, but painfully reminded he doesn’t have anyone to call brother or sister. I feel like I have one more try in me too, and it’s terrifying. You are lucky to have a platform (I really dislike that term) where you can be so open about this, and I totally applaud you. Many women, myself included, don’t really have an outlet and we just kind of soldier on. I look forward to the day when we are both happily complaining about lack of sleep and teething probs, fingers crossed.
I am so sorry to hear this Erin. Keep your head up and know that in most such cases there was a problem and this is Nature’s way of dealing with it.
We lost a baby boy at 32 weeks. It was one of the most devastating losses I’ve ever experienced. My 2 year old daughter was by far the best medicine for us. I can tell you that it gets easier. Eventually I made it through a shower without breaking down. Then one day I noticed that the pain had eased. I’ve since had a successful pregnancy and am again pregnant (25 weeks). It’s absolutely terrifying. And wonderful. And terrifying.
Bottom line, no one knows what you need to heal except for you. Hoping for peace and comfort for you in the months to come. Know that you’re not alone.
OMG that is so awful, I cannot imagine. We do worry about how scary it will/would be to be pregnant again and how we could ever dare to have hope it would work out. Am so happy you had success, makes me feel a little more hopeful.
So very sorry for your heartbreaking loss. My thoughts and love are with you and your family. Thank you for sharing your pain and hope with us all. Take care and sending love.
My heart breaks for you, Erin. I’ve kept my fingers crossed for you through all of this, and will continue to do so. Sending you love & strength, and hoping that your resilience, and your boys, will help see you through. 💜
So sorry for your loss. You have so much courage to share your story with this community, all while healing from your own, very personal and very traumatic loss. I wouldn’t wish infertility issues on my worst enemy. Please take the time to heal with your family and friends. Go silent on the blog if need be!
I’m so sorry. Just know that you are strong and amazing, and a role model to your readers. As a working mother of one little guy, I can relate to a lot of your posts. I don’t have too many words of wisdom on this subject, all I can say is give that little one a lot of extra love and hugs during this difficult time. Prayers.
I am so sorry for your heartbreak. I am sending all the good karma I can muster your way.
Erin, I am so very sorry. We struggled for years to get pregnant, went through rounds of IUIs, two IVF cycles, one miscarriage. We finally got our beautiful girl and then something amazing happened and we just recently got pregnant on our own, something we thought was impossible. It’s still early and I am so, so afraid all the time, but am also allowing myself to feel incredibly thankful through the shock. I truly hope that something miraculous happens for you, as it’s meant to, and in its own time. Sending you lots of love and positive thoughts as you heal. Xo
Dear Erin. I am so sorry. But you will get through this. And we will be here to read all your posts, the happy and the sad and the funny ones. Many hugs from far away in Europe.
Erin, I am going to send you a personal message to your facebook message account. please check it.. I hope it helps
I rarely comment on blogs, but I wanted to tell you that I’m so sorry. I love seeing your design posts, but maybe a little more, I love hearing about your family and Henry. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.
I am so, so sorry. Cry, be sad , take some time out. get it out. But, Try again. I did 9 rounds of ivf, and my three girls, now 14, 11, and 9- hands down, are the very,very best thing in my life. I miscarried many times, twins once, had uterine infection from d&C- don’t give up-there is one more good egg in there somehwere! This is one fight that is worth it.
So sorry for your loss. I’ve been following your journey and hoping for the best for you and your family. Wishing you strength and success <3
Also, thank you for sharing your experiences, as difficult as it must be. It helps others going through/who’ve gone through similar ordeals remember that we’re not alone, even if we don’t feel comfortable sharing with others.
So very sorry for your loss, Erin. Sending love and hugs and prayers.
You are such an incredibly strong woman. Your family – your precious Henry and devoted Andrew – are so lucky to have you.
I am so sorry for your loss and will be praying for healing for you and your family. I know it is no comfort for what you feel right now but please know that sharing your story really does help so many women who go through similar struggles. Thank you for your openness to your readers.
I’m so sorry, I was hoping you were going to announce happy news soon. My 2 sons are 7 years apart so please don’t think that there is any magical age spacing that needs to be achieved. They are close and enjoy being with each other still (they’re adults now).
I’m sure you’re tired of hearing advice but has your doctor ever discussed taking a low dose aspirin – like a baby chewable? There is some evidence that it lowers miscarriage rates. Might be worth a try or at least ask the dic for his opinion. Best wishes to you, Andrew and Henry. <3
So sorry for your loss and heartbreak. You are not alone. We all struggle with pain of some sort and all of it is relevant. I admire your authenticity and openness which seems so rare these days.
I think what we endure makes us the best we can be. In all your pain, re-read that last paragraph every now and again (brought me to tears). Above all else, our children need us more than we can imagine. And they give back in more ways than we understand. Henry will be your best friend for the rest of your life, and the joys and heartache that await you will be over the Richter scale. Feel the tidal wave of pain, but try not to live in the ‘what might have been’; open your heart even more to your family’s unending love. xx with sorrow and a big big hug
I lost babies at 8 & 13 weeks and was devastated, went on to deliver two that are now 16 & 18 years old. You are clearly very self aware, humble and grateful despite your current pain, and I have infinite faith that in a few short years you will be in a position to look back at all this and say ‘ahh, thats why that had to happen.’ Stay with love – for your little boy, for yourself and for your future.
Erin, your strength is so clear. Ther e is another lucky little soul out there destined to be your second baby. Praying for healing for you. xo
After an easy-breezy first pregnancy, what followed was secondary infertility, 3 miscarriages and then luckily 2 babies who are now 14 and 16 yrs old. What helped during those years was my belief that life is pre-destined and in the bigger picture it WILL all work out. I am so sorry for your shattering loss of your baby girl – Keep hoping and trying. You will know when you are done but as long as you still have that hope, i say go for it.
I believe bad things happen to good people and there is often no answer to the question why? You, however, are turning your loss and grief into a gift that helps others. Your courage in sharing your pain is amazing. Thank you.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I understand completely what you’re going through. My son was between 2 and 3 when I lost three babies between 8 weeks and 13 weeks gestation over a period of 14 months, two of them were girls, the third unknown.
I felt the same guilt and sadness about my son not having a sibling. As it turns out, he was/is are only child. Today, at 26, he is happy, healthy and successful. He has a wonderful girlfriend and a group of buddies who are as close as siblings can get.
Wishing you the best. Take care of yourself <3
I am heartbroken for you, sobbing actually. You don’t deserve pain like this & Im so sorry you are going through such a loss. Life is truly unfair sometimes. I hope your wishes to expand your family come true very soon. Thinking of you & your family.
oh Erin my heart is breaking for you…you have been through so much – I am so so sorry. Hold Henry and Andrew tight – they will help you get through this terrible time. xoxo
Erin – SO SO SO SORRY! This is so heartbreaking. All my prayers, thoughts and hopes with you. Your strength is such an inspiration.
Erin, I cannot begin to tell you how very sorry I am. I was on a similar journey, and I too have felt that loss….Please know how much you give to all of us and your family. You are in our thoughts and prayers. Whatever your next step is….it will be the best one for you! Hugs!
Erin you are brave and amazing and inspiring. And your son sees that in you! Whether or not he has a sibling is up to fate and you should be proud that you are fighting the good fight. Being 39 is not the end of the world, and maybe giving your body a little time to heal would be a good thing before trying again. Having gone through IVF and a frozen cycle, I know it’s hard. But taking care of yourself and your family is SO SO important. You have created an amazing life for yourself, and enjoying it is so necessary to your well being and hopefully, for getting pregnant and having another baby. Sending thoughts of warmth and comfort from Ohio
Erin, you are such a treasure to all of us who know you only through the words you write and your lovely book. We all want only the best for you. I will pray for you today and ask God to fill you with hope and with comfort.
I’m so very sorry for your heartbreaking loss. It was crushing to read, so I know how even much more crushing it is for you. Take care…
Oh Erin, there may be over 4000 miles of ocean between us but I hurt for you, even from this distance. We were with you in your hope for very different news, just as we will hurt with you that you have had to suffer this outcome again. It is such a painful subject to discuss but as many do find out, this journey of life is not all cute Instagram pictures. It is rough, it is bumpy, it is unfair. I think being so honest helps not only others going through the same, but others needing to be tough for their own reasons. Being open about something so sensitive just helps…..you and us. Thinking of you all as you recover and move forward, one day at a time xx
Oh, Erin. Bless your heart. I pray that God would comfort you and give you that which you so deeply desire.
I admire your strength. Big hugs.
I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart grieves with you.
I am so sorry for your loss, Erin. What a difficult time for you and your family. You’re in my prayers. Thank you for your honesty and for opening up to your readers. While you don’t owe us a thing, I hope that the support you receive from this post is just the tiniest bit helpful in knowing you are not alone.
Somehow, our little ones know what we need (even if they drive us bananas the next second). Sending much love and strength to you and Andrew.
Sending you lots of love and baby dust. Just keep going ;)
I am so so sorry to hear this. So heartbreaking. I also tried everything I could to give my little girl a sibling and it never happened. It took me a long long time to be okay with that but I’ve accepted it. Just recently, at age 7, my daughter has been mentioning wanting a younger sibling and my heart breaks a little. Sending you healing and peace.
My heart goes out to you and your family. And to all families struggling right now. I wondered if you were daring to hope again somewhere behind the screen of privacy.
Perhaps your dreams will come true in a shape and form you can’t even imagine right now.
I am so very sorry to read this. Miscarriage is an exceptional kind of terrible, heartbreaking loss, and you are right that it’s not talked about enough. I hope you know that there are people all over the world (including long-time lurking fans like me, as strange as it sounds) who are rooting for you and thinking of you as you grieve this baby. Wishing you, Andrew, and Henry all the best.
So incredibly sorry to hear this.
I’m so sorry Erin – this hurts bad and just know God loves you through all of this. ❤️
I am so sorry, Erin. Sending you love and prayers today.
This makes me so sad. Sorry for your loss, Erin.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. Thinking of your family during this tough time. Take time to heal and do what feels right for you. And squeeze that sweet little Henry extra tight. ❤️
I’m just so sorry…please know you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
I’m always sad to read such devestating news that I endured as well on my journey to a second child. Yet I’m encouraged by the fact that this is being talked about now and by the advancements in medicine that were not available a decade ago…Despite that, it happened, as I pray it will happen for you. You are very courageous and should take pride in all you are doing. Sending you a virtual hug!
I love hearing those stories. Gives me hope.
So sorry for your loss, Erin, and thank you for sharing your experience. I’m sure your readers will all be sending healing vibes your way.
Thank you for sharing this though it had to be so painful. I know there are so many women out there who don’t feel alone because you have the courage to share. Sending you and your sweet family so much love and holding you in the light.
Sending love, hope and positive energy your way. I am so sorry for your loss; I will keep you, Andrew and Henry in my thoughts.
Sending you the biggest hug.
So sorry for your loss, Erin. Hoping for the best for you!