April 5, 2016

Struggling With “Having It All”


Andrew was away the past two days and so I have been trying to juggle work, blogging, taking care of Henry and the two dogs- oh, and myself (not really- cereal for dinner!)  And it’s not working.  I am blessed enough to have a nanny here from 8-4 but yet it seems like it’s not enough time to get everything done I have to do. Like this blog, all my client work, writing the second book (have not even been able to start yet), designing my home collection, managing my business.  Oh, and being a good mom. And not neglecting my two fur babies.  And managing to not leave the house in breastmilk stained sweatshirts and slippers with hair so full of dry shampoo I look like George Washington. On five hours of (interrupted) sleep. Oh,a nd I almost forgot- my marriage. Now if that ain’t telling….

Basically, my current schedule feels like trying to staple Jello to ceiling. Impossible.

I read this article from HuffPo the other day about how it sucks to have it all, and it totally resonated with me.  I totally agree with her,  I’m leaning in so far I’m falling flat on my face. But what gives? What possibly could give in this scenario? My business? No. Book? Nope. Blog? Not a chance. My lifelong dream of having my own line? Hells to the N-O. Time with my baby? That’s a negative, Ghostrider.  The answer is nothing can give. This is the life I chose and it’s a very privileged one at that, but that doesn’t make it easy nor make me sometimes wish another path had worked out instead (and had I been on that other path, I would have dreamed of this one so there you have it, folks). Women struggle every day with crazy responsibility, two or three jobs, childcare and finding time to breathe and make sure they don’t just flip out from the pressure of life.  I know my stressful situation is a dream situation for many, I do.  But it’s still hard and I’m grasping at a solution to make it more manageable.  Because right now I feel like I’m getting everything “done”, but not to the level that I want to.  And I’m not taking good care of myself, which I know is a recipe for disaster.

You can only outsource so much too before you start feeling like “what was the point of having babies/pets if I don’t get to care for them?”  And while I certainly struggle with guilt regarding being away from Henry so I can work- I do know I’d be a crappy stay at home mom. This is basically a scientific fact, one I knew before I had Henry- but it still doesn’t make me feel a twinge of shittiness.  And while we’re at it, let’s just all agree that superheroes don’t wear capes- they are single parents. I mean, seriously. I have a very helpful husband who does more than most (while also running his own business)- I cannot even fathom how single moms and dads do it day in and out.  I bow down.

I know many of you are in the same boat, and pardon my total train of thought post here, but what are some of your tips on staying sane and managing a crazy busy life?

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