My OKL Rug Sale!

Today I am super psyched to share that One Kings Lane is doing a feature sale on my rug collection! They also did a little interview with me here you can read.  I am thrilled with how well these have been selling and can’t wait to see how you guys style them in your homes.

I pulled together a couple schemes using my rugs to illustrate how I might style them.

This is a den/ living room set up using the Charles Rug in Grey. This sof a is a sleeper, so this could be a great look for a guest room that also needs to function as an office or a TV room.

This is a cute look for an boys room– the tiger print headboard is AMAZING (and reminds me of a much more expensive designer fabric) and it pairs great with my Prince Rug! You could add more kid-centric art to make it more youthful or use this design as a guest room look too!

As an aside, I want to thank all of you who left such sweet, thoughtful comments on my post Monday. They have helped me SO much and I hope that others going through the same struggles will take the time to read them all as they really illustrate how none of us are alone in our private battles. XO, Erin

Riding the Waves of Hope & Loss

So often these days I’m asked “when are you going to have another baby?”  Of course, nobody means anything by it other than as a compliment- it’s clear that Henry has brought Andrew and I so much joy, and is, in my humble opinion, one of the cutest, sweetest kids on the planet.  And of course, nobody means to upset someone when they ask that question,  and for a long time I have not discussed my fertility battle on here, so it’s not obvious that that question is a triggering one for me.

Last week I lost a pregnancy. Again. My third failed pregnancy in a little over a year.  We’ve been trying to have a sibling for Henry since he turned one. Our first pregnancy was a surprise- I actually got pregnant naturally (something I did not think possible) and was amused that I had become that stereotypical fertility patient that struggles to have her first and then “accidentally” gets pregnant with the second.  You hear these “IVF urban legend” stories a lot when deep in the trenches and I was floored I was actually becoming one.  Unfortunately, it did not last.  The second pregnancy was a frozen embryo transfer and was an incredibly traumatic loss I am still grappling with.  Most recently, we transferred our second frozen embryo and when it took and I saw the two lines on the home pregnancy test I was suspicious but excited.  I kept waiting for other shoe to drop, but my numbers looked good and signs were pointing to “this is finally going to happen”.

Those who knew I was pregnant kept telling me they had a “really good feeling” about this one, and so I let my typical “glass is half empty” guard down and began to picture my swollen belly, and Henry cuddling with a sweet little newborn, his partner in crime for life.  And then we had our 8 week ultrasound and the moment I looked at the screen in that dark room, I knew.  I had believed we’d see that little flutter of a heartbeat, I really did, and that I would leave and be able to share our happy news. But instead there was an empty black hole.  No baby. No heartbeat. Nothing.

This loss has gutted me.  Frozen cycles are actually harder on me than fresh– the daily injections with needles so long I get nervous they are going to hit bone, the hormone pills, the knowing so much sooner that you MIGHT be pregnant.  It compounds on the loss when you have to work so hard to even get pregnant. And at this point, time is ticking away and I see the door closing on my ability to give Henry a sibling, and myself another opportunity to be a mother. A role I have relished, to my own surprise.  I remember barfing my brains out when pregnant with Henry and looking at Andrew and saying “I hope you’re cool with one kid because I am not doing this again”.  And yet all the motherhood tales they tell have turned out to be true- you forget the pain, you forget the sacrifices– you just want to experience the joy of bringing a child into the world one more time.

We have one embryo left from my “Henry cycle” when I was 35. “A beauty” as my doctor says, but so was this last one. I asked what my options are if this one also fails, but of course our doctor has told us to remain hopeful with this last “frosty”.  But to me, hope feels dangerous.  Hope makes me vulnerable. I much prefer to plan for disaster, especially after this last loss.  I turn 39 this summer,  an age that scares me when it comes to having another baby.  Of course, given our history, I respond really well to IVF and could do another fresh cycle,  but it scares the shit out of me.  What if it doesn’t work? What if I’m simply too old and my eggs too wonky? What then?

On top of all this, I’ve had to keep being a mother. To try to not let Henry see my tears through the pain, the miscarriage and the crushing thought that he may be our only child.  I’m trying to picture that life, to try to get comfortable with it, but it’s hard.  I know there are those that don’t ever get to experience motherhood at all who so desperately want to, so I do feel immensely grateful that I have Henry, I do, but in some ways it makes these secondary losses even harder.  Knowing now what could be, what is possible.

As I pick myself up this morning and try to move on,  I’m going to pledge to take better care of myself. I’ve been burning the candle at both ends and putting my own health last.  My kid and my job come first, but I have to at least make room for myself (and my marriage) third.  To be a little more gentle with myself,  to not scroll Instagram in my down time and let it make me feel less-than (or enraged and sad that everyone else in the world seems to be having babies with little effort) , but rather take that time to meet a friend or go to a workout class or just get outside and walk, that is if winter ever ends here in Boston.  I need to not feel guilty that I’m taking care of myself instead of spending that time with Henry– an all too common working mom feeling.

And I have to try to focus on all that is good in life right now, of which there is a lot.  And while I hesitate to remain “hopeful” (I just don’t operate well that way- I much prefer to prepare for the worst and be pleasantly surprised), I at least need to be open to what comes. Maybe it’s not what I pictured or hoped for, but it still can be really wonderful.

*Photo by Maureen Ford


Fashion Friday: Recent Faves & Sale Picks

A few recent purchases I love and thought I’d share with you, since a bunch of you mentioned liking these kinds of posts! (CLICK IMAGES FOR LINKS!)

The smell and texture of this body polish is amazing and Old Navy is killing it by offering awesome basics (the tee and workout top) in tall sizes. I love both styles!

Also, I bought five of this lace bra from the Gap (it’s on sale) and am obsessed- supportive, but light as air!

This eyeshadow palette proves makeup people finally get it– we need a BIG light neutral color– not all the same size as the others – don’t you hate it when you have a great palette but run out of one color way faster than the others?

Bobbi Brown has 25% off everything right now, and I love this tinted lipbalm in Popsicle. Just a hint of healthy color.

I’ve been wearing these brushed gold hoops a lot lately- just enough of a statement but also a basic.

The new/old Jcrew cotton rollneck is the perfect weekend sweater for spring!

I got a sample of this Aerin perfume and adore the smell. May have to buy the big one!

Leopard hide sandals– on order! On sale for $70.

Also, the annual Shopbop sale is going on now until tomorrow– 20-25% off your whole order! I love to use these kinds of sales to stock up on pricier basics I know won’t go out of style.  From a new pair of my FAVE leather pants to this amazingly adorable one piece suit for summer (and of course, all my favorite jeans!) (CLICK IMAGES FOR LINKS!)


My Summer Pillow Collection

I know- SUMMER. Not even in the REALM of thought in half the country right now (still wearing my Moncler puffy coat every damn day).  But as with clothing, home follows a nutty schedule totally out of line with where we are in real life.

I wanted to share these while available online, even though some of the listings are glitchy.  So if a pillow you like isn’t working on the site- check back tomorrow. (Annoying, I know– TRUST me).  This collection is all about color, texture and FUN and at such affordable prices, easy to toss in a few to a room to help you get jazzed about warmer weather! Also, some of the brighter pillows are perfect for kids and teen rooms!

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A High/Low Guest Room Makeover

I saw some bedding I loved on Williams Sonoma Home and it inspired me to create a high/low guest room look illustrating how it’s possible to get the same style for less than half the cost. (Side note: These side tables in the low version are from Target’s new collection and come in white too- love the faux bamboo leg!)