Life & FamilyJuly 9, 2015

PSA: That is a Shirt, Not a Dress.


Ok, this is my random thought for the week.  This has to be said, much like four or five years ago when we all had to band together as a gender and decide that “tights are not leggings” ( nice thong!) and “leggings are not pants”.  The 2015 version of this is “that shirtdress is a shirt, not a dress”.   Someone brought this up to me the other day when witnessing an otherwise pulled together woman strutting around in public in not only an insanely short shirtdress, but also a sheer one and was BAFFLED. I think I can safely say that  no woman ever wants a man to look at her and have his first thought be “Oh my God, she forgot to put her pants on this morning! Poor woman!”

Now before people start calling me an pregnant old lady and assuming that I want women to wear mumus and floor length turtlenecks, that is obviously not the case. I love a good shirtdress. Short ones! I wear them too! But more often these days I’ve spotted ladies in shirtdresses with slits on the sides that go way too far up, displaying full on ass cheek in public with the slightest bed of the waist or tickle of a summer breeze. Heaven forbid they attempt to sit down. Oh man, I’ve been flashed with so much more underwear than I ever want to see this summer.

Just because it says it’s a dress on the tag does not mean it can and should be worn like one.   It’s partially the fault of the clothing designers too! I wonder what they were thinking when deciding on the length of certain “dresses”?  Was the intention for it to be a tunic? A dress for very, very short people but sans “petite” tag? A confusing garment meant to baffle us as to it’s proper use?

As a tall woman I’ve long had issues with short things being too short on me. I’m pretty attentive to it and when in doubt, put opaque tights on underneath anything I feel overexposed in.  But even then, I’ll spend most of the day or night wriggling in discomfort trying hard not to be “that girl” in the super short dress.  In summer, fuggetaboutit. Other then putting on a pair of shorts underneath, there’s not many options without overheating to the point of passing out. There’s a fine line between sexy short and “I can see your hoo-haa!!” short (yes, I pulled that line right from Forgetting Sarah Marshall...)

The test I always run in the dressing room or closet- put something on- sit down, bend over and walk around a little.  If it doesn’t ride up or flash anything private when doing so- good to go. I also look at outfits that COULD be sheer in various light (natural and bright bathroom light) to make sure something isn’t see through accidentally.  I recall my mother being horrified at my engagement party when the dress I wore was a bit too sheer and all the grandparents present could clearly see my Hanky Pankys. My bad, Nana.

Oh no, I think I am beginning to SOUND like a Mom now!? God help me…




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