Golden Globes 2014 Red Carpet Recap

I friggin’ love the Golden Globes. Despite the horrid red carpet coverage (more fashion, less inane questions from Seacrest and Rancic pretty please) it was a fun show to watch. If I could go to one awards show in my lifetime it would be this one (can we make that happen universe? Mmmm, thanks.)  The fashion was a fab balance of AWESOME and HORRID, which is my favesies.  Let’s start with the straight up awesome.

Who didn’t gasp when they saw Lupita Nyong’o in Ralph Lauren. I mean, she SLAYED it so hard in that dress with the simple jewels. I bet half the celebrities asked if they could just come int he back door after she walked the carpet. Amazing.  And Cate Blanchett is such perfection. This dress is just amazing on her.  Here’s the thing, men don’t “get” Cate Blanchett, Andrew doesn’t think she’s pretty, which makes me think I’ve married a severely mentally questionable person.

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Leslie Mann either has amazing style or a seriously awesome stylist. I LOVED her dress, hair and makeup. Gorgeous. And Juliana Margulis was stunning- beyond chic- I loved the silhouette, pattern and her accessories and jewels. Killer.

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Amy Poehler’s dress is just awesome- sexy without being over the top and super modern. Loved this look.  And at first I wasn’t sure about Amy Adams’ dress but then she turned around and I loved it.  I wasn’t 100% on the hair, but she really did look pretty and it’s so nice to see her in color.

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These two. I mean, can we just discuss how awesome they are? Smart, funny as hell, successful AND beautiful??? I think they are two of the best role models in Hollywood for women.

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And I bet these two would have LOVED seeing Elizabeth Moss flip off the stupid Mani Cam on the red carpet. Can we retire that thing please? It’s so stupid and make everyone’s hands look like craggly claws.

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OK, these two are sexy, no doubt. And both these dresses fit to a T.  I’m just kinda over the whole Sofia Vergara “I’m SO sexy” thing. I want to see her in something less booby for once.  And Kate Beckinsale is one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood in my opinion,  but I was so bummed to see she had her upper lip filled giving her that Hollywood duck bill look. :( Sads.

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GAH! These two looked so killer in neutrals- Naomi Watts never, ever ages (Andrew said “Hey Sienna Miller looks good”- ummm) and that dress with the chain neckline and back detail is so chic while Laura Dern suprised me in this drop dead (and perfectly fitting) gown.

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BRADLEY COOPER IS EVERYTHING IN THIS TUX. That is all.

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Olivia Wilde made every bloated, achey-backed pregnant woman groan when she rolled onto the carpet looking SO flipping hot in that green sequin Gucci. I think this is the best red carpet pregnancy look I have ever seen. Stunning. (But can we retire the ombre hair in 2014?)  Amber Heard pulled a page from the Jolie playbook in this slit-to-there gown but she did look like a movie star for sure.

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More nude on blondes, which isn’t typically my favorite (washout) but these two did it well. Margot Robbie became every guy’s new favorite star and looked flawless but I was concerned about the underarm chafing from those jeweled arm holes. Yowzas.  Robin Wright is just such a bad ass in House of Cards and I love this simple look on her. Did not love the hair though.

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Pale champagne was done really well by Lady Mary aka Michelle Dockery (which reminds me I have a recorded Downton to watch).  She always looks SO elegant and classic Hollywood.  I may be the only one who did NOT like Zooey Deschanel’s look. The earrings plus the flower PLUS the beaded shoes on top of the two piece Oscar was all just TOO MUCH for me. With simpler shoes and fewer accessories maybe.

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I yelped a bit when I saw Kerry Washington’s baby bump. So cute.  She usually does no wrong in my eyes but I did not love this Balenciaga. Maybe it was because Olivia Wilde rocked her bump SO HARD, but this was kinda MEH for me.

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This however, was not. (Andrew and I seriously say “Scanal” just like this to each other every time we discuss the show).

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Lena Dunham get’s most improved award after years of horrible looks, but this did not fit her right.  She needed more room in the top for it to fall better on her. She looked so uncomfortable in this dress, but I did like the color and concept.  Emma Watson rocked pants. And I wasn’t crazy about them. I mean, I love the idea of pants on the red carpet (maybe these?), but this ensemble confused me.  I did find out, however, that Andrew has a MAJOR crush on Hermoine. Who knew.

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Do not get me wrong, Reese looks GREAT, but her dress looks a little like it was made by Lululemon. She needed some bigger earrings too with the simple hair and dress.  And Hayden Penetierre somehow made Tom Ford look like a Bebe prom dress. How can you make Tom Ford look cheap? I dunno, but she managed too. That hair was horrid as well.

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Julia left me scratching my head a little. At first glimpse from the shoulders up I thought she was pulling a Sharon Stone, which I loved.  But then I saw it was a dress over a shirt and I was all “YUCK”, especially the blingy belt.  Then I was feeling like on HER it was acceptable. Her hair and makeup was killer, had the belt been black it might have worked better. It’s just a little OFF, I so wish it has been just a skirt!!!!

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Jennifer Lawrence is every girl’s girl crush and I was so bummed to see her is this awful dress that looked like a comforter with two belts wrapped around it. And her makeup was way too much- the dark lip with the smokey eye plus a white dress was not a good look on such a pale little pixie like her!

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But she did this.

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And then said this. I was all “Who cares what she’s wearing?? She was gonna push Taylor Swift down the stairs! YAY!” (Mental high five. I find T Swift quite grating.)

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Oh Sandra. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Sandra and from boobs up I liked her look, but why couldn’t this dress have been one color? I really, really don’t like it. I do like it better than Aubrey Plaza’s purple nightmare though, if that’s possible.  I think I wore this to a middle school dance in the 80’s (and no one asked me to dance either.)

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Does anyone else not understand Kaley Cuoco’s fame?  This dress is AWFUL. Almost as awful as Drew’s which might win the least flattering dress award.

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OMG. We’re getting to the really good stuff. Like Paula Patton and her dress designed by the folks at Charmin. What the hell is this? No seriously, what is this?  Why would someone so pretty wear something so beyond ridiculous??  And then there’s Andy Samberg’s wife who wore this Gone With the Wind bizarro mauve thingy. I feel like this was a joke we weren’t in on.

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Whoever put Emma Stone in this needs to be slapped across the face. Just because something has a Chanel label in it does not make it awesome. This is also something I would have loved to have worn in middle school circa 1988.

 

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And I think the worst dress has to go to Zoe Saldana in this bizarre, ugly, busy mess of a thing. Such a  gorgeous woman with a killer body and of ALL THE DRESSES in the world, this was “the one”. Really?!?!

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What would I have worn? I’m kinda obsessed with this dress by Juan Carlos Obando right now. Modern gold jewelry and simple heels.  Super frou frou? No. But neither am I.

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55 comments

  1. Always love your awards write-ups and I think this one is on the money. Lupita takes home the prize for best dressed. I think I looked at her image twenty times although I think she could have used a necklace. As much as I love Kerry Washington, I hated the dress on her. She is gorgeous and could have pulled off a great dress a la Olivia Wilde, but it still wasn’t as bad as Drew’s. Lena’s breasts are just squashed in that dress, from the waist up it’s unflattering. I really liked Elizabeth Moss’s dress. At first it didn’t look like much but when she was on stage receiving her award, I liked it so much more. Lastly, I think Zoe Saldana simply has bad taste or a bad stylist. Her dresses are always blech which is unfortunate because she can pretty much wear anything she wants (fit wise).

  2. I so totally agree with all of these choices, but when I first saw Paula Patton I thought she looked like a tampon dropped in water. She’s been really struggling on the red carpet lately and needs a new stylist!

  3. Your awards show recaps are my fave! I missed the show last night, but as I sorted though the photos on People, I kept thinking, “I can’t wait to see what Erin says about this!”

  4. I always look forward to your red carpet recap posts – you are SO spot on. Cate Blanchett looked AMAZING – my husband doesn’t “get” her beauty either. I didn’t even see Laura Dern’s dress, but holy crap it’s awesome. I also HATED Jennifer Lawrence’s dress – what was with the weird lower band around her hips? So unflattering, even on her. Sandra Bullock always looks amazing, but this dress was straight 80’s prom. Amy Adam’s dress was amazing, but lose the necklace!

  5. When Paula Patton came on stage I thought, this is making the recap for sure! Sweet Jesus, what a mess. Agree with all your comments, except I loved Emma Watson’s look. It was young and different and I’m guessing when you have to go to 500 award shows per year it’s nice to mix it up.

  6. Right on. Lupita and Cate are goddesses. I kind of liked Drew’s dress but agree that it was not the most flattering. It was very ‘real woman.’ I love Valentino but I didn’t love Gwyneth’s look. She looked like she was wearing a sack.

  7. Your blog has to be my first “stop” on the morning following an awards show, even if I have to refresh 72 times and try 18 different browsers! Sorry BlueHost is completely sucking right now, but I loved your recap! PS–why oh why can’t you style some of these poor people?

  8. So funny about the Cate Blanchett thing – my boyfriend instantly said “she looks great!” but he also works in film so I think he knows more about actresses than your average dude. She’s stunning.

    I have to say I’m super over Sofia Vergara and her va-va-voom outfits. Something modest on her would be really refreshing. It’s not like her tatas are the only thing she has going for her!

    I also hated J.Law’s dress. I know a lot of people liked it but it looks so frumpy to me. I really loved the makeup but I agree it did not pair with a white dress. Would have worked much better if she were wearing grey.

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  9. It took my computer a while to load this one, but it was worth the wait! Great recap. You are too funny. Thanks for the laughs.

  10. You hit the nail on the head re Reese’s dress but I am afraid I could not get tired of Sofia Vergara and her beauty and curves. I know what you mean by wearing a similar silhouette but it suits her so well!

  11. You nailed it! However, to understand Kaley’s fame just watch Big Bang Theory one night…she’s spot on with her role as Penny!!

  12. Spot on as always! It’s not just the husbands; my kids don’t get Cate Blanchett either. My 9 year old daughter kept asking, “How old is she? She looks like she’s in her 50’s!” Hello, she and I are the same age (44), and I think she looked amazing as always. As did Naomi Watts (who I believe is 45!) — she and Cate were too of my faves of the night.

  13. I really really disliked Zoey Deschanel’s look. Actually, I hated it. I love her but I just ugh, can’t even look at it without getting a little irked.

  14. True confession: I checked to see if your post was up first thing this morn. because you’re always so funny and spot on. I laughed when I read that Reese’s dress was kinda Lululemon. You’re right! Beautiful colour but it needs something more. Or less lycra. Leslie Mann looked incredible

  15. Amen, sister! Thank you for calling it on Jennifer Lawrence’s dress! I did not watch the show last night, but when I first saw a picture of the dress, I thought, “That looks like a West Elm duvet with two black ribbons wrapped around it.” I do not understand why people are citing her as one of the best dressed people at the Golden Globes. She has a nice figure, but she keeps opting for dresses in this awkward silhouette (same as her Oscar dress), and I do not think it is complements her as well as another silhouette would.

    I thought Cate Blanchett, Michelle Dockery, and the always elegant Juliana Margulies looked stunning. I also have to give props to the the Amys Poehler and Adams. Julia Roberts looked like she was exhausted and just threw something on 30 minutes before leaving her house.

    I do not for the life of me understand why Kaley Cuoco always looks so disheveled and grungy. Forget wearing the best dress–the very least you can do is look groomed and presentable. After all, this is a professional function/event for her.

    As for Emma Stone and your “middle school circa 1988 comment” – as a person who went through middle school during that era – LMAO!

  16. Always love your recap! Spot on as always! As annoying as T. Swift is, I did love her look last night!

  17. Love your recap, and couldn’t agree more on almost everything you wrote. But I really have to say I also hated what Kate Beckinsale did to her upper lip, she’s so beautitul she didn’t need it. Although my husband didn’t notice it and pretty much made me think about it twice. And he also has a crush on Emma Watson, he would like to even name our baby girl (if we have a baby girl) “Emma”.

  18. As I have said before, you should be working for fashion police–seriously. Best re-cap EVER and really funny.
    So spot on (except I did like the Balanciaga look on KW)…THX.

  19. this is a great recap! LOVED oliva wilde’s look… and wowzah there were some disasters! looking forward to Jenifer Lawrence wearing something better at the Oscars (collective YES. hope so!) xo

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  21. I love your recap, I HATE that you have started to use the “read rest of article” after the jump link. Please quit that.

  22. Megan- using that helps the load time of my blog SIGNIFICANTLY, so while I’m sorry having to click annoys you it helps people get on to read.

  23. Dead on Erin. Especially your comment about Hayden…I couldn’t figure out why exactly I hated it until I read this, haha! Bebe prom, indeed. :(
    Naomi and Laura Dern killed it…both looked amaze.

  24. Loved this entire wrap up and was feeling a little smug when my internal commentary was similar to your write up ha ha. I can’t wait for the Oscars! I am wondering with Hayden is it because she is small or is she just tacky? And the shirt, Julia why? Although it was great to see a non botoxed woman in her 40’s. Speaking of the over 40’s those ladies know how to rock a red carpet, starlets take note.

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  26. I was so hoping your GG post would be up today. I needed a good laugh and as always you delivered. Your comments on Hayden’s dress were spot on. I don’t know what Zoe Saldana was thinking. When Emma Stone was on stage, that dress just looked so odd on her.

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  28. SPOT ON. I had the exact same thought about the Tom Ford. I said “this is the only thing in the world that tom ford has ever done that I don’t like.Or maybe its her. “

  29. Aaaah Erin you make me happy. The only two people I see…Lupita and Bradley…Thank you…I managed to miss him!

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  31. I, along, with everyone here, cannot wait to read your recap after awards shows. Like Liza Miller said (earlier in these comments), I went to bed after the show thinking I can’t wait to read what Erin has to say. (I missed most of the Red Carpet pre-show). So, who’s with me? I think E!’s Fashion Police needs a new person on their panel…Erin? Here’s your ticket to the awards shows. I’ll help put it out there in the Universe for you.

    and btw, was almost crying at your Charmin comment about Paula Patton’s dress!

  32. Cecilia, I’m with you! Erin and Andrew could be the new Seacrest and Rancic. They would kill on the red carpet!

  33. I missed the red carpet live but scrolled through the pics online and could.not.wait for your recap. Hayden needs a new stylist, one who knows how to dress someone as petite as her — it’s just so unfortunate because I know there must be other short women in Hollywood that have it figured out, right? Laura Dern was my favorite, along with Lupita Nyong’o. I have the same feelings you have about Kaley Cuoco, but instead about Amber Heard — is she in movies? On tv? Or is she just famous for being ‘hot’? (though I don’t think she looked good at the GG).

  34. Hilarious!! Margot Robbie was my #1 best dressed. I know so many people are loving that red cape dress on Lupita Nyong’o but sadly I’m not one of them. I think Gwyneth hit a home run in the white Tom Ford cape + gown she wore at the 2012 Oscars — that was amazing!! I’m still in shock over Paula Patton and Zoe Saldana. I’m waiting to see them on the cover of “When Bad Gowns Happen to Beautiful Girls.” I did add both of them to my best beauty list since their hair and make-up were perfection. Olivia Wilde looked stunning and SO SEXY and so surpassed Kerry Washington in the “pregnant and posh” category. See you at the Oscars, Erin!

  35. I’m with the gal above that while I liked Lupita’s dress, I wasn’t a *huge* fan of it. Glad you felt the same about Leslie Mann – that dress was incredible. She has SUCH fabulous style.

    I really adored the color-blocking on Aubrey Plaza and Julie Bowen’s gowns (and Amy Adams’s, to a lesser extent, though I abhorred her hair – bad rave/greasy looking!), because it adds such interest to a look – in clothes and interiors!

  36. Erin! I’m so disappointed by the ombre hate ;) ! I am SUPER pale and love mine…it’s the only way I can get highlights without looking ridiculous. Love the rest of this post though. Your comments are always so hilarious and spot-on. xx

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