Oscar Red Carpet Review

I don’t know about you, but I thought last night’s Oscar’s telecast was the worst I’ve ever seen- from the red carpet coverage that was lacking/gimmicky (guessing games?) to Seth McFarland who I thought failed pretty miserably. He has a great voice, and I am a HUGE Family Guy fan- but hosting a live award show I think should be left to screen and stage stars and industry veterans. I barely laughed at all (except for the amazing series of tweets flying back and forth on Twitter!) Social media for the win! The fashions too left me wanting. Nothing rocked my world at all. Not one dress made me gasp a la Michelle Williams circa 2006 or Cate Blanchett circa ALWAYS. Where were all the stars? I feel like we were missing half of Hollywood!
So let’s just get into it, shall we? The biggest fail of the night comes first with Anne Hathaway’s horrible choice.  That neckline should never be paired with a necklace, EVER.  If you want to rock that necklace, pick another dress.  You know what, pick another dress anyways. I also thought it looked like a cheap bridesmaids dress and that darting at the bust made it look like it was -47 degrees out.  She looks so edgy and cool with her short hair she should have gone a little more modern but still classy.  If the top was lined on this Naeem Khan I think it would have looked stunning. I also simply can’t stand “Oscar Nominee Anne Hathaway”, who is all breathy at every acceptance speech (is it physically exhausting being so faux-humble?).  Bring back “Devil Wears Prada Anne Hathaway” in 2013.

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I didn’t loooooove Jennifer Lawrence’s dress but she did look very pretty….

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However the second I saw hoe MASSIVE that skirt was I knew this was going to happen:

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But who cares when these are the guys rushing to help you back up.  I would have pretended I broke my leg in five places so Bradley Cooper would have carried me in his arms up to the podium. #winningx10

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We all thought (in my house) that Amy Adams looked like she was about to burst into tears when walking the carpet- maybe it was her makeup? Or perhaps she’s still upset about Downton?  Either way, did not love the dress.  The color was too blah for me and the skirt too much (plus, hasn’t she worn this before?)

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I would have loved her in something a little less froufy and a little more modern- like this Badgley Mischka that I happen to be crazy obsessed with (look at the back!)

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Jessica Chastain did look perfectly gorgeous. She did. I just am not loving the nudes on the red carpet on pale girls.  It does nothing for me.  Especially redheads who look SO SO amazing in emerald green and navy!

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Amanda Seyfried looked pretty good too- sexy with quite amazing makeup and hair.  But again, a smidge boring.  Something with a little more attitude and color for her perhaps, like this canary ballskirt dress, which I think could be styled to look way better than it does on the runway with big earrings in a color like turquoise and fab updo?

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If I knew Charlize was going to be on a red carpet with me I’d just wear yoga pants and call it a day because that woman is UNREAL.  No one can compete with her beauty.  Even with an inch of hair this lady just slays it. And her body is the perfect mix of curves and athleticism.  Also a statuesque beauty, Stacy Keibler totally won one of my best dressed nods.  That dress is AWESOME (Anne Hathaway should have taken notes from THIS playbook).  I did not like Stacy’s hair at all, I would have preferred something sleeker, but that DRESS! Heaven!!!

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Reese’s hair and makeup was SO pretty! She glowed (does she ever not glow though?)  I loved her dress’s color but hated the fit and the little bow above her boob.

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The Aussie’s BROUGHT the sparkle and looked totally amazing. Especially Naomi Watts who always looks flawless and doesn’t get enough props for her consistent good taste. One of my favorites of the night by far!  And Nicole Kidman’s L’Wren Scott was such a great look on her!

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I also could not love the Affleck’s any more? Do you think they would adopt me? Ben’s speech and Jennifer’s Gucci dress were standouts.  But can we take a moment and stare and oogle Jennifer’s necklace??? It was absolutely amazing!  Another Jennifer, Aniston that is, looked different than she typically does in that she usually never wears a big skirt- but she needs to try something else with her hair!  Not my favorite look on her, but you can’t say she looked BAD.

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I loved the color and sparkles on Kerry Washington’s Miu Miu dress but something was off and I can’t quite put my finger on it- maybe her hair? Lack of jewelry? It’s so close to being perfect but misses somehow.  And Zoe Saldana’s dress just has way too much going on between the top, the belt (with side bow?) and then busy ruffled hem and too heavy shoes. Simmer down, designer.

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Holy shoulder pads- I thought Halle’s dress was way too Dynasty for her age.  She obviously looks amazing in everything, but I have a serious issue with shoulders like that.  Except on a 70 year old like Jane Fonda who apparently has the best surgeon in Beverly Hills and the fountain of youth plumbed directly into her bathroom faucet.  Loved the bright yellow- a little COLOR, finally. Methinks I should dust off that old Jane Fonda Workout VHS about now.

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I would have loved to see Halle in this Badgley Mischka- I think the color and modern peek-a-boo silhouette would have been different and fun.

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Adele has never looked better- her hair and makeup while she was performing was absolutely awesome- so Bond.  And her red carpet dress (the long version- didn’t like the length of her performing gown) was perfect for her.  Also in black sparkles was Sandra Bullock, who I adore, and I like this Elie Saab gown, but I wish her hair had been up and they had skipped that behind the ear clip that looked like a bedazzled Blutooth earpiece to me.

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But then again she did this on stage and I love her even more now. #funnywomenrule

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Accessory of the night: the puppy purse. Oh yes, we all need to get one.  You think Judith Leiber could have hooked Quvenzhané Wallis  with a bedazzled version though for the Oscars!. :)

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Salma looked both hot and over the top at the same time. It was all a touch too much- hair, makeup and sweetheart neckline (had it been straight across I would have liked it better).  I had no idea who this was, but Andrew quite liked Samantha Barks’ dress- the simplicity and necklace were understated but stunning- and as he said, she has a nice rack. :)

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Jaime Fox’s daughter looked better than most of the movie stars, didn’t she? Love that color on her! And I think Queen Latifah looked the best she ever has- that dress with the subtle sparkles on the straps…. just awesome.

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The WORST- Melissa McCarthy who did this to you becasue I want to hurt them!!! The hair and the incredibly ill fitting dress were just horrible. HORRIBLE.  Same with Kristen Stewart who desperately needed a brush and an attitude adjustment.  I find her “I hate Hollywood but I’ll take the paycheck” so disrespectful. Grow up, the nine year old on the red carpet acted and looked more mature than you.

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And Helen Hunt wore H&M. I was all, wow, that’s amazing- major props…. until I saw the full body shot and the absurd amount of wrinkles and then I was all “Yup. H&M.” I wonder if it fell apart by the end of the night?

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That did you guys think? Am I totally off base?

 

 

77 comments

  1. you are so unbelievably spot on–its like I said every single thing you said in my head when I was watching the thing–….you are much funnier though. Totally agree the fauxhumble nonsense by Hathaway is getting pathalogical….. I do think Jennifer Lawrence looked ackward and again in an ill fitting dress that was–DUH–an accident waiting to happen. I think they should hire you for fashion police and get rid of kelly osborne.

  2. Great post! I agree that Charlize Theron is gorgeous!!! It’s really unbelievable. I HATE that someone styled Melissa McCarthy so badly when she has already received so much unfair criticism of her weight in the reviews for Identity Thief. That stylist needs to be fired. I love your alternate picks! Who is the designer of the yellow skirted dress?

  3. I could not agree more..Anne H. should have worn the dress she performed with. All the other stars looked boring, except for Charlize, who could wear a paper bag and look great in it. FLOTUS looked awesome..

  4. You are dead on. I’m soooo over Anne h. And that dress put me over the edge. It was awful. Love Ben and Jen!

  5. I thought Seth McFarland was funny and charming. I also thought this Oscar show was one of the most entertaining I’ve seen in a long time. Must be nice to be an expert on comedy, celebrity, fashion, jewelry, hair and makeup. We should all have your stellar taste.

  6. So spot on! I didn’t even write a post on the Oscar’s this year… one of my fave nights because I was SO uninspired!
    Maybe the horrible-ness of Anne’s dress somehow bled into her brain…. sadness.

    XO
    Mary
    @ Something Nice

  7. While yes some of the ladies could have made better choices for dresses (or stylists for that matter) for the most part I thought they all looked lovely. I can’t imagine the stress and pressure they must feel as they walk down the red carpet knowing that all of us will judge them. Drug abuse and addictions are commonplace in Hollywood. And no wonder, they are all under such intense scrutiny from us. I would like to see us comment on their look in a more constructive way. I’m Canadian though. So I could be alone in this opinion. Are you looking to get into styling, Erin? It seem like you would be well suited for the role.

  8. Your awards show red carpet reviews are probably one of my favorites because of your humor and pure honesty. You had me at the Jane Fonda workout video comment. I swear, I was thinking the same thing as she was presenting last night! All good stuff Erin!

  9. Did anyone else see all the bruises on Kristen Stewarts’s upper arms? Why didn’t they put some sort of body makeup on these? She did not look well and she seem kind of out of it on stage.

  10. A bedazzled bluetooth earpiece…. I couldn’t stop laughing. Thanks for your red-carpet reviews, I’m always waiting for them impatiently.

  11. After reading your comments, I had to post……

    Dear Erin Gates…

    You don’t know this yet, but we’re best friends.

    Call me.

    -H

  12. omg the video of bradley cooper {AND hugh jackman} rushing to jennifer lawrence’s aid is tooo much. i think i actually WOULD break my leg five times just so bradley would carry me. also, fun fact about him — he speaks fluent french….yowza!

    as always, LOVE your red carpet commentary :)

  13. I think that Naomi Watts absolutely killed it with her dress. Perfection. Not understanding what wasn’t to love about it. I liked, Zoe Saldana and Nicole Kidmans dresses but in my opinion it was Naomi by a mile. I also loved how Kristin Stewart was a hot mess, and Jennifer Lawrence looked terrific even falling over.

  14. Erin, I enjoy reading your blog daily. I think you have great style. However, you can dislike someone’s clothing/style/personality without attacking them as a person and saying you “can’t stand” someone you’ve never even met. No judgment here, just giving you something to think about. How might you feel if someone declared they could not stand you after viewing your Ikea commercial or decided they hated you after attending the “O YOU” conference?

  15. Anne’s dress looked like a paperdoll dress. I thought for sure there were tabs holding it on. I could go on but why? My fav was Cloony’s girl!! Perfect

  16. You are so funny! I love your awards show posts. They are just what I need after a hellacious day at work.

  17. LOVE YOU but disagree with so much of this. Halle = Flawless. Jessica Chastain: SO much better in her gown than the one you picked. Same with Amy Adams. I’d have been bored to tears if she’d worn that aubergine snooze. The dress you recommend for Seyfried was worn by Leslie Mann. Can we say PR disaster?! And I’m shocked you’re not calling out Jennifer Lawrence for that sad neckline. Salma Hayek looked like a Holly Golightly Halloween costume gone WRONG… And I also thought Seth McFarlane was charming and funny. (Maybe Tina and Amy next year, though!) wink! Have to agree with you on Melissa McCarthy… She’s one of a kind and deserves SO much better!

  18. In absolute agreement over your red carpet recap! Jamie Fox’s daughter, Jennifer Garner, Charlize Theron, Naomi Watts, that Badgley Mishka dress…

    I also thought that Octavia Spencer looked amazing and really wished that her stylist (or Adele’s or Queen Latifah’s) had taken Melissa McCarthy under her wing!

    And as for that desperate BH housewife…What on earth? It was so tragic it didn’t even deserve a comment. :)

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