Wow. What a shitty day of server issues. I wrote this whole post, it crashed my site, then the server crashed (unrelated), I thought it was the post so I deleted it…. then found out it WASN’T… so now I have to re-write it. There are worse things (like hammer pants and scrunchies) but it just plain SUUUUUCKED.
So here is my slightly ammended GG red carpet review. First off, Tina and Amy KILLED IT… then brought it back to life, and then killed it again. They were awesome (if not underused a little, I could have done with more Amy and Tina time). Just look at these geniuses!
How amazing is Tina Fey’s hair? Like, ridiculous. That dress from the waist up is great, waist down not awesome. The length and the heavy shoes aren’t working so much. BUT I LOVE YOU ANYWAY TINA. And she more than made up for it in the second dress showing off her secretly insane body! As for Amy, loooooooove the sexy tux! So good! And the burgundy dress at right was delicious too. I swear, if I went to Hogwarts and conjured a Patronus charm it would be of Tina Fey dancing.
Let’s start this shindig off with the lady of the hour- Anne. I want to like Anne, in fact, before her lock chop I was told she was my Hollywood Doppleganger. But something about her makes her the walking, talking definition of “humblebrag”. It’s “all about her craft” and everything is “for her craaaaaaaft”. I want her to be more fun spirited- this goes for this dress too! It’s so serious. And simple. Not that simple is bad- on your wedding day, it’s ideal- but when you are a young, gamine starlet about to win your first award I think you should be a little more bold and modern. Maybe like this Naeem Khan?
I imagine the inside of Anne’s head was like this when they announced her win:
Some other winners- my girl Claire/Carrie. Girlfriend had a baby A MONTH AGO! Say what? She looks simple and sexy in this red number. And Jennifer Garner is just the cutest. She and Ben make me feel all fluttery in my tummy. And this dress is SO great on her- the messy updo, earrings and hot hubby help too.
More red- the color of the night for sure. Jennifer Lawrence came SO close with this one- but the pointy boob thingies and too tight fit kind of killed it a little for me. And Zooey looked lovely- but it was such a safe choice for such a fun, flirtatious girl!
Emily Blunt looked fierce in this gold Michael Kors- loved the funky accessories and with John on her arm… the definition of #winning.
Kate Hudson totally looked like she was channeling her mom in Overboard, no??? She glows, and this dress is way cool from the shoulders down I am just not big on the 80’s neckline.
Some classy ladies in basic black. If you can call Tom Ford basic! Julianne looks stunning in his streamlined creation and the earrings are perfection with it. Who doesn’t love Adele and her honest to goodness excitement about this magical life of hers? Love the Burberry gown on the new mom too- simple and fabulous.
These two have NO EXCUSE for not looking hot since they are supermodels and all so this is no suprise. Love Rosie’s funky dress paired with the simple but gorgeous twist hairdo. And Miranda is just sex on legs. Look at her! Both are pulling a bit of a Jolie with that leg, but they, of all people, can get away with it!
Nude and sparkles is typically a lovely look on the red carpet- Isla Fisher’s dress didn’t get much attention but I think it’s stunning! And if anyone can pull off this Miu Miu creation, it’s Kerry Washington. I personally would like it more as a mini dress- this neither here nor there hemline strikes the wrong chord for me- but it’s still a fantastic look on her (and only her).
Some deep reds and purples on Naomi Watts (perfection- right down to the earrings) and Swifty. I hate to say it, as I find her SO annoying, but she pulled it off. She looks elegant instead of saccharine.
When Lea Michelle walked on stage we all were a Twitter about her tan. All I could think of was Ross Gellar getting stuck in the Mystic Tan (“I’m two two’s??). Nothign ruines a gorgeous gown like this like a bad fake tan. Scrub, scrub.
Two dresses on two Nicole’s I’m on the fence about. Nicole Kidman always looks like a Fembot to me, and this look had me wavering between loving it and not liking it. Mostly I liked it on her because it made a statement and fit beautifully. I absolutely LOVE Naeem Khan who designed Nicole Richie’s dress- and I think I love the dress, just not on her. She’s too petite for such a heavy gown.
Jessica Alba’s hair and makeup looked awesome, and the color of her dress is so good- but the necklace looked a little…. Miss America?!?! And Megan Fox- ugh, I just can’t stand her. Yes she’s gorgeous but it’s like, ENOUGH. I think it’s her interview attitude that does her no favors. And the color of this dress is pretty blah too.
I call J.Lo’s dress the “BEN! HEY BEN LOOK HOW SEXY I STILL AM! BEN???” dress. I wonder if they had an awkward moment at the show? If so: Ben -1, J.Lo-0. And Sofia Vergara aka Charro- she wears the same silhouette to every damn awards show. We get it, your body is ridic… now surprise us with something other than a sweetheart neckline mermaid! Por favor?
These two. Brilliant. And that new hair color on Kristen is PERFECT! Finally!
Just as awesome- Tommy Lee Jones’ reaction quite similar to Grumpy Cat (if you don’t know about Grumpy Cat, you are WELCOME).
I never like pale nudes on pale girls- like Amy Adams- this color does her no favors at all. She looks like… nothing. And for such a hot, hot girl, Amanda Seyfried’s dress is not up to snuff- especially that little clip at the neckline. But look at the noggin’- drop dead.
Here are some folks I wish I could have dressed…
Lena Dunham- I love her attitude and bravery but this gown looks like a bad prom confection. And the shoes that were too painful for her to walk in were a very very bad idea. It amped up the awkwardness, and not in a charming way. I wish she had worn something funkier and younger- like this Oscar de la Renta striped gown with a bold necklace (maybe in emerald or coral?)
Lucy Lui’s Herrera dress was probably awesome on the runway but it’s too big and too…something… for the red carpet. I would have died for her to be in this sparkly strappy Jason Wu instead.
Sienna Miller is another natural beuty (beyond, actually- she is STUNNING), but the doily dress, not so much. This shimmery, fringed Oscar look would have been so much more fun!
Halle Berry has worn this dress like 17 times, I think. We get it, you are still super sexy. Now maybe something sexy but a bit more demure, like this Oscar (again, I know- hey, he’s good!)
This is so bad- whoever did Jessica Chastain’s hair like this needs to be ridden OUT of LA! GAH! And that dress just draped in all the wrong ways making it look like she had the boobs of a 108 year old. I would have adored a deeper seafoam green structured gown like this Zac Posen.
Holy hellfire, this was the worst. When Rachel got out of the limo I was all “She looks SO PRETTY” and then they showed the skirt and I fell off my sofa and got a bloody nose. Not really, but in my head I did because I was THAT upset about it. If she wanted to wear black this J. Mendel would have been MUCH better. Who is making these dresses with the sheer skirts? HATE.
And Jody Foster- her speech started out rambling and strange and then really went beyond. What she said about her mother– I can’t even, it was was so sweet and sad. What a legend (and she looked great too!)
Your thoughts? Agree? Disagree?
The real question- where was GOSLING???