I know that I’ve written already this week about “deep thoughts” but I really wanted to share with you one of the most important things in my life- my husband’s uncanny ability to give motivational speeches. I am not the calm and stable type, but rather the Chicken Little of the relationship constantly screaming that the sky will fall any damn day now and in the meantime, I need to be very, very, very anxious about it. Andrew, on the other hand, is so level headed- nothing seems to freak him out (except the time Baxter chewed through my bottle of Ambien and had his stomach pumped- he freaked out then). So here is a great little “get your day started on the right foot” speech courtesy of Mr. Andrew Gates….(perhaps we should have Therapy Thursdays?) :)
(AG enjoying life to the FULLEST in St. Maarten with our niece )
Erin asked me if I would write a blog post that was similar to one of my “Tony Robbins, things are going to fine, stop crying, you need to think more of yourself, it’s going to be ok, seriously, stop crying” speeches I unleash on her about once a month.
Finally I get to be on her blog. Sweet.
My most recent rant to her was about perspective. Side note: these “speeches” are usually just a verbal outpouring of the internal struggles (and solutions) I have with myself. I get just as much out of saying them as she gets from hearing them…probably more. To provide a little background, I was laid-off about 2 months ago. Not the greatest feeling in the world, but I was prepared for it…the writing was on the wall…and to be honest I wasn’t that far away from putting in my notice.
The internal struggle I had was what to do next. I had been working with some former colleagues on a start-up which I was really excited about. I was also putting a toe in the water in several other, apparently more stable options. At the end of the day I was fortunate enough to have a choice. I went with the start-up. Here is why:
10, 20, 30, years from now…or more…I am going to reflect on my life. I tried to put myself at that point and ask what will I think. I was going to regret not going with the start-up. It was clear. Granted, that didn’t make the choice any less scary, but I knew what I needed to do.
I continued to think about the “Future Me” and what I would think of the present me. And Future Me had a bit of advice. He said that we are living in a home, eating applesauce, wearing diapers and all I have are my memories. Don’t screw them up. Spend time with your friends and family, because those are my favorite memories. Stop spending so much time on the little stuff, you can barely remember that anyway. Travel more, you will love Africa. Take a few chances, but not too many that you look like a moron (and you are approaching that level so be careful). Enjoy your successes and indulgences, you will see that guilt is a waste of time. Do things for others without the need for acknowledgment or reciprocation (you will get both in spades anyway). Be happy for others who are more fortunate than you, help those that aren’t, respect both equally. Do things you normally wouldn’t do every so often, those are some fun memories. It is okay to cook and do the dishes, but make sure you say thank you when someone does for you. When you get here (the future) you don’t want to have settled.
Smart guy. I hear he is handsome too.
We could all benefit from calling our Future Me’s every once in a while. We need that reality check of how most of this won’t matter even a few months from now, much less years. We need to live a little more for the moment.
That doesn’t mean go crazy. It doesn’t mean bounce your last check (ahem! parents and in-laws). It doesn’t mean shun stability and responsibility. It doesn’t mean pack up your shit and move to Nepal. It means to do things you will be happy to look back on. That may mean taking the stable job for some, or going with the start-up for others or even leaving it all behind and going to Nepal for a few. Life isn’t black and white. There is no need for you to be stable or reckless…you can be somewhere in-between. You don’t have to married by 28. You don’t need to have kids before you are 35. You don’t need to have your career all set by the time you are 40. Life is different for everyone and very few of us live up to the expectations we set for ourselves or other set for us (and those that do probably feel unfilled in some way). Take life as it comes, change it as you go, and stop worrying about where you are now…just enjoy that you are here and moving forward. It takes some people a few years, others a life time. We all get there.
You are a fluid and ever-changing person who is at times scared, happy, sad, bored, worried and excited. Perfect…that’s how you are supposed to be. Think about the future, think about what you want to look back on, and then stop thinking about the future so much. Re-live the good times in the past. Learn from the bad ones and move on…they are not you anymore. Forget the really bad ones. They serve no purpose anymore. Realize that life is both what you make of it, but more importantly how you want to approach it. You can get bogged down with your own shit or you cannot. The choice is yours.
SEE? He’s so good. I think I really lucked out by clicking on his profile (thanks Match.com). And what a Dad he is going to be to our future children. I am very lucky.
I met my boyfriend on match.com, he was laid off and started his own project and he is also a LOT more level headed that I am. Great little article! really enjoyed it! thanks.
Wow that was exactly what i needed today! Such a great powerful life lesson. Thank you so much for sharing :)
Love, love, love this. Thanks for sharing.
Wow! Thank you for that today! Sometimes reading your blog makes me think too much about fashion and things I want… And I love it:) But today I needed this message. Thank that smart sweet husband of yours!
I am such a bawling boob right now! It started right after “you don’t have to have your career all set by 40″. That is a meaningless deadline that I’ve given myself because that’s the age that you should have your stuff together. Says who?? Thanks for the much-needed motivational speech!!
What a great post! It brought tears to my eyes and it was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you!!
I married one of these too…isn’t it the BEST? :) We need someone like this to balance us out…my Grandmother said to me when she met mine “hold on to this one honey”…I never looked back!
you got yourself a wise-one! thanks for sharing his wisdom!
So sweet – we all need someone in our lives who can help us to stay grounded and gain perspective. This was so thoughtfully written – I’m thinking therapy thursdays would be a great idea!
Holy Cow…what an incredible blog entry. It sounds like Andrew’s job had run it’s course but I can’t imagine laying off anyone who can look at life like that…..and articulate it so well for others to learn from. Something tells me the ‘start up’ is going to be the beginning of a successful future. He is a gem.
I love coming to this blog for design ideas….and sometimes reality check on life.
This post was simply perfect!!! Just what I needed today. I’m started a new position on Monday that I’ve fretted about, although I will have my own office to decorate. I’m in school at 44. I’m sure it sounds familiar. Thanks for this post. I need to figure out how to print it so I can pull it out when I need a reminder :).
you people are all lunatics. LUNATICS!
Thank you Andrew!
You have no idea how I needed to read this today.
Erin, you are a lucky girl!
Erin, you married a very wise man. He’s not a bad writer either!
Thanks, Andrew!
Great post. I think a lot of how you live your life depends on what year/decade you were born. I’m of the stay-at-home Mom variety closing in on the empty nest syndrome ( 18 & 22) and looking around wondering what or who am I. Whereas I used to be the youngest in the room I now am mostly the oldest and it’s scary. It’s a young world and trying to navigate as you get older ( and everyone seems to get younger) is incredibly hard especially when you’ve been out of the workforce for 2 decades. So you’re right, put away the guilt ( wearethisclose ) and never have any regrets. Life really is too short.
You really should be a motivational speaker…in your spare time anyway.
Love this post! You’re a lucky girl!
Great post!! Thanks for sharing him with us for a bit. My mister will enjoy this read too. All the best in your endeavors!
Maureen
That was perfect. Thanks for sharing!
Yes to Therapy Thursdays!!! I am going to visit Future Me asap – I think she’ll be kinder to Present Me than Present Me usually is :)
Thanks Andrew – I needed that! You two sound like a good pair that balance one another well!
Kudos to Andrew! You’re awesome! Erin, i am glad you have found each other! Carpe Diem!
Exactly what I needed to hear! I’ve been without a job for a year (my poor husband); finally decided to start my own design business at the ripe age of 27….drawing up a plan & freak the freak out every now and then. Thank you for the post & thank you for being an inspiration that it CAN be done!
Andrew you are the best! This is fabulous and your start up should be inspirational speaking! xx
Wow, I needed that speech! Thank you for sharing Andrew with us!
I am about to forward this to a bunch of people!
always said from our first meeting–he’s a keeper!
Thanks for this! Will consider it soon.
This is one of my favorite blogs and I love this post. Erin, you’ve got a great guy!
However, there’s one sentence that can’t help myself but I have to say something: “You don’t need to have kids before you are 35″. Actually, if you’re a woman, you do. Nobody talks about it for fear of being ostracized by the female career-driven crowd. However, as part of that crowd who is going through fertility treatments at only 30 years old, I can tell you it’s not smart to wait. I’ve learned a lot about pregnancy in general, conception in particular, and the fertility industry, and I’m glad I didn’t wait.
A totally fertile couple with a post-35 female only stands a 10% chance of conceiving naturally each month, TOPS, even if they are doing everything “correctly”. By comparison, a healthy couple in their 20′s stands a 20-25% chance. Furthermore, if you want multiple children and don’t start until 35, you begin aging your way towards the post-40 bracket, which practically guarantees fertility treatments (or adoption). You’ll run out of time. All those post-40 celebrity moms you see did treatments.
I’m not associated with this organization in any way but they have some good info:
http://www.socalfertility.com/age-and-fertility.html
I hope this doesn’t sound too harsh. It’s just one of those things that somehow most people don’t know, and it can be devastating if you’ve waited too long before finding out. I absolutely loved everything else in the post! Thanks.
I am a dweller, focus on the negative, live in the pain and never let the small stuff just go. So reading this helps bring back to perspective. I truly want to “live my best life” (as Oprah coined it),
Hi Janet,
Thanks for adding your comments and info…I think that is very important for people to know. I still think there is something to what I said. While it may be harder to have a child after 35 for a woman, it is not impossible…there are many examples where people have waited and it has been fine. Of course there is also adoption. I think my point was that if you are 35 and don’t have children yet, it doesn’t mean you can’t, doesn’t mean jump off a bridge, etc. There are options. I also wanted to imply that if you didn’t think having children was right for you then that was okay too.
Thanks to you and everyone else who commented…Erin has such good friends (that’s how she views her readers).
i had no idea you guys met on match.com…that’s awesome. Actually, makes me feel like I may be more daring to venture into that zone in the future when things have settled.
Thank you so much for the perspective — my grandmother just passed away and I was unable to be there for the funeral (logistics issue — i live halfway around the world from the rest of my family, literally) and have been questioning the point of life and why we even bother doing anything anymore, if death is eminent.
Seriously, so good! Men have a way of seeing the grass much greener on the other side than us (intuitive) women, at times. Thank you, Andrew. And thank you, Erin for sharing his insight to you with us.
What a fantastic read:) I would enjoy therapy Thursdays with the connection between how interiors can effect your mood…both lifting you up and pressing you down! There is nothing better than LOVE! Cheers to you two:)
so enjoyed your husband’s post! very smart words which make me think of things a little differently. thank you, love your blog!
so, both of you are awesome.