(Saw this at Brimfield Friday before shoot and seriously should have bought it for my office.)
Last week I styled a photo shoot for a magazine. This is something that I never would have dreamed I would have been asked to do two years ago. It’s just another thing that has happened to me this year that leaves me going “What? Me? Really???“. To most people, myself included, hearing the words “styling” and “photo shoot” conjures up images of glamour and air kisses and rainbows. I now can tell you that is not so. While I am very proud of the results and feel it was very much worth it, it was one of the hardest, most stressful things I’ve done as of late. So here is how it REALLY goes down:
THE DISSECTION & TIME LINE OF A STYLING JOB
- May 5: OMG, I’ve been asked to style a magazine feature! Am real, grown up, legitimate designer! This is magnificent news, worthy of three or four drinks!
- May 25: I have so much time to do this. SO much time. No sweat (scurries off to Facebook/ client work/ puppies/interwebs).
- June 1: Holy sh*t, this is happening in a month and a half! I need to start thinking of ideas! (**Crickets chirping**)
- June 2: I suck. I can’t think of anything. Will be exposed as complete fraud! All of Boston will point and laugh!
- June 15: Ok, I have an idea! It’s going to be brilliant! Happy dance!
- June 16th: Just kidding, that idea won’t work. Back to the drawing board. (Hits forehead on desk)
- June 17: Have done nothing but lie on office floor and stare at ceiling waiting for divine design intervention to happen. (Ok, and maybe a little Facebook.)
- June 18: Design concept is due ASAP! Panic ensues! Spend 48 hours on interwebs obsessively searching for things and muttering to self. Husband contemplates straight jacket as birthday gift this year. I request that it’s zebra and monogrammed.
- June 19: Facebook friends become concerned about negative, homicidal status updates.
- June 20: It’s actually coming together. I’m liking it.
- June 22: Finish up concept boards. Not perfect, but good. Send off to editor.
- June 24: Editor likes them! Success! It’s all a cakewalk from here (Note: foreboding music plays in back round)
- July 1: Shoot scheduled for July 20. That’s in 19 days. Ruh-roh. Will deal after the 4th. I need to carb load in preparation for the home stretch.
- July 6: Have assistant call people begging them to lend us furniture. Some are nice, some are not. Hello, free press people! This biz is bananas.
- July 10: Realize I have to order/buy the non-loanable stuff. Shiz.
- July 12: The rug I planned on using is BACK-ORDERED! AHHHHH! Good thing I have one in my living room. Will have to get wine and spaghetti stains out of it ASAP.
- July 13: Waking up in the middle of the night panicking that everyone forgets about loaning me items and nothing shows up. Way worse than being naked in the middle of school/work dream. This happens for the next 7 nights. Yay for prescriptions.
- July 15: OK, everything seems to be in order. Off to Brimfield tomorrow! Can finally relax!
- July 16: In middle of hot, sunny field hyperventilating. Pick up of items needs to be day earlier than expected. As in MONDAY. OMG. OMG. OMG.
- July 16: Text/call assistant on day off obsessively. She saves the day. Bow down in front of antique stone Buddha praising her existence. Vendor wondering if I’m buying it or not.
- July 19: Make husband and assistant assemble random IKEA items. Dodge evil glares like ninja.
- July 19: Pace in circles waiting to hear if movers picked up everything. Tick tock, tick tock.
- July 19: YAY! It’s all being delivered into the space! Drive over to check it out and unload car full of items.
- July 19: OMG. They picked up the wrong piece! WTF!?!? Am going to die! DIIIIIIIEEEEEE.
- July 19: Crisis averted. Vendor bringing right time in the morning. See everything works out! Set up room #1 and love it. First smile in days.
- July 20- 4 a.m. : Up before roosters. Freaking out. Why don’t stores open at 6 a.m.? Write crappy blog post, too nervous to focus.
- July 20- 9 a.m.-: Last minute pick up of items. Have incredible trouble picking out houseplant. Feels equivalent to finding peace in the Middle East. Stress has reduced brain to oatmeal.
- July 20- 9:30 a.m. : Where is vendor with correct piece? Melt into puddle of anxiety on townhouse floor. SERENITY NOW!!!
- July 20- 10 a.m. : OK, this is not good. Vendor not coming, have to go get myself two towns over! Attempt to delegate to assistant but am control freak and want to do everything myself. Note in Blackberry: Must work on this.
- July 20- 11 a.m. : Shoot starts in 45 minutes but I am not liking that vase on bit. Send assistant to store to get new one. She probably updates her resume in the car and/or contemplates driving into road divider.
- July 20- 12:00 : Photographers arrive. They are nice. Yay for nice people.
- July 20- 12:01: No, I do not know how we are going to hang that light without putting holes in the ceiling. I did not know I had to have a M.S. in Craftiness! Run to hardware store to get magical sticky hooks.
- July 20- 1:00: Dear Magical Sticky Hook People: You should get Nobel Prize. I love you. xoxo, Erin
- July 20- 1:30: Room is the wrong orientation. Shot needs to be vertical. Room is horizontal. Basically write out mathematical theorem trying to figure out how to make it work. P.S. I nearly failed math.
- July 20- 1:45: Click. First shots taken! It looks AWESOME!
- July 20- 1:45-3:00: Click. Click. Think about celebratory dinner husband has surely planned in head. Click. Click.
- July 20- 3:15: WE’RE DONE!!!!
- July 20-3:20: JK. I forgot we have to move everything out. Realize I could patent “Photo Shoot Staging Diet/Workout”- have lost 5 lbs in a week and a half. Watch out Tracy Anderson.
- July 20- 5:00: Husband did NOT plan celebratory dinner. Humph. Rob Pattinson surely would have.
- July 20- 6:30: Go our for dinner. Eat half of large pizza. Pat self on back.
- July 20- 9:00: Go to bed same time as most toddlers. Dream of wild editorial success (and Rob Pattinson).
THE END!!!!
Such a funny story! Congratulations!!! Can’t wait to see pictures??
Love your breakdown. I’m seriously laughing out loud at my desk when you use the word “Shiz” and talk about falling asleep at the same time as most toddlers. Congrats by the way! I’m sure you did a fabulous job! Can’t wait to hear more details.
Rachel
xoxo
I’m going to go ahead and say this was your best. post. ever. I died.
Erin, you’re such a fantastic person/designer/blogger! I loved the post and I do hope you’ll share the result of your work (& stress) with us when you can :)
Congratulations! I am sure it turned out wonderful and I can’t wait to see the results!!
Fun read (and I welcome any and all references to Rob Pattinson) and looking forward to seeing the final shot, congrats!
Hilarious post! Thanks for being so real with us! Can’t wait to see the results.
Great post, as usual. Maybe my favorite. And umm, hello?!, Sally Wheat was the first to comment. Very cool.
Can’t wait to see the room!
Too funny! I’m sure I would be the exact same way. Maybe a few more tears, though. Looking forward to seeing pics!
Hilarous! Can’t wait to see the final product.
Brilliant write-up! Very funny!
Erin- This is SOOOOO long overdue- you are my absolute FAVORITE blogger out there- I read your blog every morning- it is the first thing i do when i get into work- and i beg you PLEASE don’t ever stop writing it!!!!! Today’s post had me literally cracking up at my desk. Thank you so much for being such an inspiration- and posting so many beautiful images- can’t wait to see your completed project!
i think my heart was pounding reading this. so funny. can’t wait to see it.
Very funny and so real!! Can’t wait to see the pictures!!
Hilarious! I love reading your hysterical posts. Congrats on the big shoot!
Congrats on successfully completing your project! I *love* that sign. Would also be appropriate for my office.
I love your blog, Erin!!
BEST POST EVER!! Hilarious
so funny! can’t wait to see the pics!!
This is precisely why I read your blog! I seriously love you! You made me laugh out loud!!! I can’t wait to see the photos :-)
HILARIOUS! Your style in this post reminds me a bit of the writing tone in bridget jones diary, I mean that in a very good way, btw. I love it. I work for a small potatoes magazine in NC and am always so interested in hearing how “behind the scenes” magazine work really goes down. Tell me more! Tell me more!
If too much stress for you equals more posts like this, I hope your life is one wicked stressfest from this point out.
July 27th, 10:19am – Husband begins reading blog and laughs out loud. Loves his wife.
10:21am: Husband reads part where he is called out for not planning a celebration dinner
10:22am: Grrrr…
Future:
10:05PM: Husband gets home from a long day at work making money so wife can lead the life she wants to.
10:06pm: Husband picks a fight over the call out and that damn sparkely vampire guy.
10:08pm: Husband gives up fight because he never wins. Goes to bed. Dogs stay with wife per usual.
July 30th 7pm: Husband thinks better late than never and takes his wife out for a night on the town because he realizes what a jerk he was for not doing it earlier.
Husband loves his wife!
Lol, Erin, you’re fabulous!!!
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Absolutely LOVE this post…hysterical! And the hubby’s post is SO cute. Hope you are well. :) -Randa
I have always enjoyed reading your blog but seriously, this post was your best yet. I loved it. Right down to the monogrammed zebra straight jacket. Congratulations on being picked in the first place to start this amazing post rolling :)
glad your readers now know the ‘real’ you now. love you. love andrew.
total comedy, erin – LOVE!
and love andrew’s reply too ;-)
congratulations!!
one of the best posts ever… reading your husband’s comments above truly sealed it. forget the sparkly vampires…
SOSO funny.. you were fabulous throughout the whole thing and did a beautiful job as always!!! I was so happy to be a part of it – you could have made me run through the streets of boston with a 6 ft stuffed giraffe and I wouldn’t have cared in the least bit!
- your faithful assistant
You crack me up! Nice breakdown!
Too funny–I’ve totally been there.
Sounds just as rewarding as the poor, overwrought Vogue designer in The September Issue…..yikes! I can just imagine the movie-montage version.
Talk about “Blood, Sweat, and Tears” …literally! That was a fabulous rendition of your 1st photo shoot. I lived and laughed every step of the way with you! Can’t wait to see the pics ! Tonya
Hilarious! Congrats, Erin! Can’t wait to see the result. Husband’s reply…classic!
Hilarious post! I loved it.
OMG this truthful breakdown of your opportunity is hilarious! But, like all things, it will get easier each time you do it!
Loved this post. I laughed out loud more than once and I appreciate how honest you are about the entire process.
OMG, Erin. This is HILARIOUS. And only made better by “Your Husband’s” response :)
I sure know mine would have issues with : “Dream of wild editorial success (and Rob Pattinson).”
…. Except mine would say “Dream of beach house with barn full of horses (and Jude Law)”
First, congrats on your 1st styling job! Second, can you please write a book on your adventures? No need to make up the heroine/main character of the book. You are hilarious! Still laughing silly at my desk barely able to type… LOVED this!
you are so funny – love the post and so glad it turned out well :) i saw one of those framed ‘asylum for women’ things in an antique store in atlanta a few years ago and took a million pictures of it just to remind myself to be thankful i am neurotic and crazy in this decade and not, say, 50 years ago. can’t wait to see the photos from the shoot!
Sounds about right. Gotta love procrastinating and then losing your mind at the last second only for everything to end up completely okay.
Lol – your husband and mine must have gone to the same School of Romance.
Can’t wait to see the results!
xo
hahaha congratulations on your great accomplishment! the shoot and narrowly escaping a nervous breakdown! can’t wait to see the photos!
you were right – most hilarious blog post to date…
thinking you need to post more “disappointment” diary entries for future “husband hints”
This post is classic! So exciting about the photoshoot!! Congrats and I can’t wait to see how it turns out.
This post was awesome and made awesome-err by your hubby’s response. I can’t wait to see the result of all the highs and lows!!
I’m embarrassed to admit I had to google “Rob Pattinson”.
Awesome. Love the breakdown and think we need to share with all husband our thought process! So excited for you btw!
hilarious! congrats. this is good stress. ;)
This is hilarious! Thanks for giving us a peek into the inner workings of a photo shoot! Can’t wait to see the pictures!